January 9th, 2021 – 836

So about yesterday, I was wrapping up the work week on what was, and I cannot stress this enough, the longest week of 2021. Ok granted it was the only week of 2021 but that week outdid a lot of 2020 by sheer virtue of rushing a house move in a matter of a week, around work, and after a quite exhausting stretch. To cap it off, TWO is pushing me quite a lot right now.

The reason for that latter point is I’ve never written anything quite like this. That’s kind of the point of the series, in that I’m testing what genres I like writing in as well as writing styles and themes, and it’s the core first person narration aspect that’s pushed me the most. I do not like writing in first person, for a lot of reasons. I enjoy reading it, but it goes against how I like to tell a story.

When you’re working in third person, breaking away, jumping and otherwise warping perspective are all super simple, you just kinda, do them. You can do all three in first person, but it requires a lot more signposting. The ‘I’m now over here doing X’ fix I’ve adopted on draft one feels hyper clunky and I do think it’ll need purging in the type up. But that’s just the perspective issues. The biggest problem I have is the voice.

The character I’m writing from the perspective of is one of my all time favourites. And yet, the use of hedging language, and the way a human mind leaps between thoughts, both make this style of narration more complex for me. I’ll be honest, this first draft is rough. But that’s ok, not only will I then polish it on the rewrite, but I also know now I will avoid first person. I’m glad I gave it an earnest chance, but it’s not for me, at least right now.

My sleep schedule is, bad. It’s collapsed to be blunt about it, and I still have things to do before I can sleep tonight. But with a little luck, I think I’m starting to regain control of this hyper intense chapter of my life. I hope that – while 2021 has started off, badly – I might have a shot at last for some stability. You know, until the next apocalypse hits. But that surely won’t be until March, right?

January 7th, 2021 – 834

Another long day, but a productive one, both at work and then after as I cleaned the apartment. Bad news is isn’t the one I’m living in its the old one but hey, the new place will be clean, you know, eventually. Would be clean a lot sooner if I stopped getting McDonalds delivered. Unironically that is so fantastic to get delivered for lunch when I just can’t. I do still need to eat more actual food though.

I’ve chained a week’s worth of bad night’s sleep and today looks like it’ll continue the trend. Honestly, I may just sleep through Saturday, and not begrudgingly either I would love nothing more than to do that. You know, apart from writing of course. And speaking of writing – took long enough for a supposed writing blog – I think I fixed TWO’s pacing. The end result is a much deeper dive on a cool area of the story and I feel more confident about the structure. Final word count, might be 95K.

To be clear: if it is 95K that’s fine. I may easily cut 10K. I may decide I can live with upper end of my usual range; WHT is still 110K and that’s doing just fine. But it does mean my sift deadline of the end of my old tenancy is gonna be tight. And, largely meaningless given I’m now moved in. Hm.

January 6th, 2021 – 833

I’m so tired I cannot function. Juggling a full time job and a house move is, grim, but against the anxiety of a pandemic? Yeah I’m not ok, not even remotely. I then decided that for my editing today I’d do a bit of WAN and my mood hot bedrock and bore my skull fragments through it. I’m going to crash soon. But hey at least my journal turned up. It was in the flat the whole time…

January 5th, 2021 – 832

Short one tonight. Why? I just moved house and I’m shattered, my journal is god knows where so I’m having to copy up an entry later – I hate doing that – and I’ve got work tomorrow. Also still need to finish writing. I’m not exactly in the best mood right now. Is what it is, but man I need a holiday.

…no Christmas doesn’t count, I barely had a day I could actually switch off in the end.

January 4th, 2021 – 831

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…

Well to be fair I both a) know exactly why, and 2) called it in advance, but yes, lockdown #3. Oh joy of, multiple joys, particularly as I’m moving house in lockdown. Again. It would actually be funny if I didn’t want to put my head through the big glass window right now. The saving grace is that I’m in a bubble with the people – mum and step dad – helping me move, but even so it just makes their lives harder too.

It’s fine. No really it is fine because like I said I called that this would happen weeks ago and I already have a plan. The move itself has one, and my mental health does too, not a bad one either. It boils down to this: the new place is a work from home flat. This current one I’m in I spent a long time mentally distancing from work. Fresh start, new associations. And, new rules. Biggest one is BuJo is a mandatory daily task.

Oh and I still haven’t figured out that plot gap in TWO. Almost as if today was work followed by a giant distraction…

January 3rd, 2021 – 830

Back to work tomorrow. I’m gonna keep this brief because I wanna go in with full batteries tomorrow, but a few things to note: today was the one year anniversary of me starting to bullet journal, and I think I’ve found a gaping 7 chapter long hole in TWO that I do not know how to fill. So, that’s fun I guess? I’m literally going to sleep on it. Ciao.

January 2nd, 2021 – 829

Actually did some packing today. Not a ton of it but a meaningful start, all nonessential clothes, some ornaments, all my copies of Monopoly and I made a plan of action for the rest. It’s proving, kinda hard, if only because I’m so tired that the drain of taking apart my home is, well a bit much. Just glad I’m going to have some help tomorrow.

TWO is a good story, maybe even a great one with enough work which it’ll get, but man I’ve written a lot of back to back heavy books, and truth be told the entire rest of the series with the possible exception of The End of the Line is. If I wasn’t so keen to have the whole series to work with and lift in unison as soon as possible I’d jump to A Planet Named George now. That’s going to be a delight. But I am at least feeling more confident in my work in general now.

Sorry about all the melancholy posts. Don’t know exactly who I’m apologising to, though granted apologising to myself isn’t the worst shout. I’ve been very hard on myself this past year when without 1K I’m not sure I’d have even survived it. One too many close calls. Now I’m moving in the middle of a pandemic so that’s more stress, even if I am accepting as much help as Tier 4 allows. But honestly, I’m just tired. So tired.

January 1st, 2021 – 828

Guess we’re here now. I have a lot of reasons I don’t like New Year’s Eve but one of the more obvious problems that day has is the bathos of New Year’s Day. Hey guess what, years are an arbitrary and barely accurate construct designed to benchmark seasons and rotations that don’t make a whole lot of difference on the human level. Scientifically they have some dubious usage but to you and me, today is no different than yesterday.

Why am I saying that? Well, I guess the bright and cheery tone might not be giveaway enough that I’m still in a pretty dark place all told. Work starts again in three days but I’m still not allowed to actually go in, actually, be at work. Instead I’m in this damn limbo and more or less confirmed I couldn’t walk in anyway today. I did 10,000 steps and let me tell you my ankle is making its protest felt.

I’m about to sit down and write. I’ve already long since decided that I want to finish the series before I begin new projects but, man I know you’re imaginary and therefore have likely not read my back catalogue but, I write a lot of depressing stories. Like, really depressing. Is that, my thing? I don’t want it to be but, oh I dunno. It’s almost funny how much my work seems to affect me. Is my work sad because I am, or vice versa?

Don’t worry my imaginary readers on tenterhooks I ain’t stopping, 1,000 a day, plenty more stories to come but, man once I finish The Service to Ore series I need to write some happy go lucky stuff for at least a year or so. If I don’t I think I’m might just go crazy. Or maybe I already have, it was a pretty insane arbitary navigation around the sun of a year. I don’t expect 2021 to be better but man, I’d love to be surprised. Surprised with good stuff just to clarify.

December 31st, 2020 – 827

Well it took an eight hour nonstop stretch today, so a total of 13 hours across two days, but the 73 day bullet journal backlog is no more. Jesus my hand is killing me right now. I got target first which was another 1,150 words, and I’m feeling that too. But apart from some editing and a journal entry, I’m done for the year. What a f@&£ing disaster of a year am I right? Censored swearing, that’s the threshold I’ve reached here. I’ve never wanted a clean slate so bad.

Well, for writing at least, I have one. And now, I’m gonna do my last tasks and just switch off. One of those tasks is writing my journal entry, 350 or so words, by, hand. Oh just kill me now…