A little bit more on track today, I wrote and did all my tasks for 1K by 5pm, and started this post just before 5 so it’ll go out right after. It’s a bit grim how tired I am but I didn’t sleep too good last night. As it was, for some reason I still managed to get my act together so I’ll take it, but I need to force an early night tonight or Imma feel that real bad by Thursday. Speaking of ‘real bad’, NHO trundles on. OK, that is a bit harsh, but I think I’ve learned my lesson loud and clear: break up big projects. That absolutely includes trilogies. The ‘big project’ for me is anything above a novel, which I think I have down good as far as pacing goes.

The one issue that raises however is I would like to do things like webnovels or intense NaNoWriMo challenges in the future, the latter if I were to ever get an audience. That’s all well and good, but for length or intensity reasons do those count as ‘big projects’? Will they burn me out like this has me? Or, am I blaming NHO when I know damn well Project4 is what’s burning me out? And am I ever going to tell you what Project4 is?

Yes, but later.

Am I just allergic to writing when I should at the moment? It sure as heck feels that way not going to lie. I need to keep this short just so I can try and get a full night’s rest, though that dream often dies as soon as I get past 11pm. But hey, at least today wasn’t all bad right? Lol nope I woke up in a ton of pain and had to work from home, that was wonderful. Eugh. This too shall pass. Need to stop whining, get on with it and try to enjoy work tomorrow. If I can get in I’m sure I will, so I really, Really hope I manage it. Wish me luck.

Another nothing day, but I feel a teensy bit better about this one. I wrote a touch earlier, but it was more that I spent it relaxing, and think I found the exact thing I like doing. I like to relax by doing activities where I follow instructions. It hit me today when I was playing Minecraft, and I found in the mod menu a baking sim ‘baked’ in. I pulled up the advancements tree, and the idea in that moment that I could make it my goal to complete it just, struck me in the face, as like the perfect way I want to play right now. Then with my mind set on that, I deflated at the thought I needed to design a nice looking bakery. But, then I just, looked up a build tutorial. Yeah, it’s not my original work, and yeah, I won’t learn as fast doing that, but maybe I’m not playing for that. It’s just like Lego: I like following step by step things and enjoying the result. I had it yesterday building a Blaze farm, and I just, feel so relaxed.

It’s too bad then that I feel for all that rest, I’m still a teensy bit too burned out to write at my best. I have managed to work in a really cool little detail which I’ve wanted to do more of in the series, namely I realised a character I’d introduced in the previous chapter worked as a trans character and just ran with it, so little stuff like that makes me enjoy writing more. But the quality, yeah it ain’t there right now. Needs to sit in a drawer for a long time before it is I fear.

Wehhhhh.

Ok today wasn’t that bad, but I really should have written sooner. I did at least finally get around to trying boiled eggs in the Instant Pot and by god, I will never do them on the job again. One word: peeling.

I’ve talked about boiled eggs before I talked about NHO, that should speak volumes.

I mean today was at least productive? And I ran into an old friend on a walk in the evening, so that was nice. I do think I’m a teensy bit burned out though, not gonna lie. It’s sucky but not unexpected, there is a lot on my mind at the moment after all. I just wish I could concentrate on writing earlier. It’s the one thing that always eases my anxieties, but I keep leaving it until the last minute. Need to work on that.

Well today went wrong. My energy levels just flatlined into the floor. Took it all out of me. I’m probably working from home tomorrow. Also I just feel wretched. What can you do. No cause, no reason for it just, crashed. I both really hope this is EDS, and I’m also worried if it’s EDS. Knowing what it is is a double edged sword if there’s not a ton you can do about it.

I think I have become a teeny bit obsessive about hitting target on the TeenyPC. Don’t get me wrong, I love writing on it, because it’s both very zen and incredibly silly, but I don’t need to. Sometimes, it’s nice to use a different PC, and a different keyboard too. I use an Azio Retro Classic at the Million Desk because it fits the aesthetic and I just adore the look and feel of it; the blue switches are really odd, but they give it a typewritery feel, and they’re so loud and obnoxious I adore them. And sometimes it’s nice to jump from a four inch 4:3 screen to a thirty-two inch ultrawide 21:9. Whatever boats your float amirite?

I think I finally have an idea how I will manage 1K once I get to the end of the STO series. Basically, I will turn ‘main story’ into ‘1K of story’, so I can hit target with other stuff, and likely will if I go ahead with Stony-Faced, but I should just make sure I keep the storytelling skills active. That’s also important as Project4 if successful will have a lot of writing involved and I feel if you haven’t figured out what Project4 is with all these clues then it’s on you at this point. Maybe. But suffice to say, that solution feels for the best, as maybe I wanna just write some goofy stuff for a while, take a break from novels and write some trashy fanfiction or the like, because that’s fun and this is meant to be about fun. I’m not saying the STO series hasn’t been fun – WAN wasn’t fun but, like if it was then Jesus Christ that would be concerning – but I need reflection time. And hey, maybe I’ll find a new calling in doing so, a new thing to write, or I’ll come back refreshed and actually write A Planet Named George. Hey, remember when I said I might do that after WHT, three years ago...?

I used a lot of italics today.

“Stony-Faced: A History of Statues and What We Make of Them“

That is a much better title. Came to me when I was walking into the college today and I knew it was meant to be. I do like my multiple meaning titles a lot, and I also hit target today by writing the book’s outline in my downtime at work. That should tell you that I am hyped for it, and how much I am growing disillusioned with NHO. Now, yes, that’s not uncommon when I write a first draft. It’s almost as if trying to pull a book out of your brain is the literary equivalent of a spinal tap. Visceral and over the top as that comparison is – and a little insensitive to people who have actually had to endure that so apologies there – it is at least true to say the grind has led me to resent just about every thing I’ve ever written. I will surely come to resent SF in time too.

That said, I do feel that the Horizon series is my most flawed work, and I think that speaks to a few factors. I saw some fantastic writing advice the other day about writing a whole scene from each character’s perspective, I assume in first person, to learn a little more about how that person thinks and functions, and how they tick. I think when I finish the series, I need to do a bunch of these before the rewrite. I even have the vessel by which to do it, a little concept I came up with thanks to my xirlfriend months ago. But for now, it’s more important to get to the end of the project.

…So why did I focus on writing a totally unrelated thing today? Well for context, I will write NHO later, but that only emboldens the question. It’s because I couldn’t psyche myself up to. It didn’t help there were IT issues here all day, but I need to go home, relax, and then do it before bed. By letting myself hit target with something else, I throw myself a bone on the workload front, as maintaining two journals, a blog, a loose editing schedule and, you know, a full time job is a lot of effort. Not like, insurmountable and within the bounds of most people – heck I do it – but being kind to myself is sort of a new unwritten rule.

Today was a bit of an improvement on yesterday, but more importantly I got a new project! And there’s actually no reason to keep a lid on this one. I’m researching a nonfiction book called “Stony-Faced: A history of statues, and what if any meaning they hold”. The poremise is that the book covers what we know about the origins of statues in human cultrue, and the purposes they serve. In particular, there is a focus on the single person statue, and with that an intense questioning of if such relics hold any value whatsoever, especially when the persons depicted are unknown to those who see it. It’ll also incluide stuff about secular vs religious statues, abstract verses realistic, and of course, how statues of dogs always end up with super polished noses. Looks like an interesting project, so I’ll keep you up to date.

Oh and I still can’t tell you about Project4. But in a fortnight or so, I’ll probably know if it succeeded.

Well, today didn’t go so good. I am not sure how this week will go given I had to cram target at the last minute, again. Sheesh I think I just have a lot on at the moment but even so, it’s adding up in unfortunate ways. I need to just go sleep now and hope that maybe, just maybe, I need one decent night’s sleep and I’ll be alright. Sorry for the vaguepost.