My mood seems quite fragile at the moment. I’m used to my calorie deficit so I don’t think it’s that, and I am sleeping enough, but I’m finding that I sit at work or at home feeling down an inordinate amount of the time. I think it’s just that now things are finally becoming less all over the place and slowing down, I’m starting to process how messed up all my routines and lifestyle factors got in the last two years. Good thing I have my therapists lined up.

TBS continues to go well at least, and I feel like I’m about to break into the second act tomorrow, along with a b story I’ve foreshadowed in a couple places, including an earlier book. That’s keeping my spirits up, but I was stressed enough today that I ended up breaking my phone case in frustration from the charger falling out time and time again. I worry that it wasn’t the charger losing its grip that caused it.

900 days of blogging, yay.

Yep that’s all I’m saying about that. And sorry for the later post, it’s been a busy day, though a good one. TBS is 20,000 words now and I have made it through most of the first act. Ideally that will be by the end of the next chapter so that’ll be quite satisfying. I also managed to finish proxying up a deck I’ve wanted to build for over a year, and really in its colours, for years: Selesnya Unicorns. So life is good right now.

Ok so a late blog after a really strong week isn’t a great sign, but in my defense today was a busy one. Saw my dietitian over Zoom, and had a super positive discussion. Part of that was my problem of milk going off too fast for me to get through it, and mum suggested I try soya. She gave me some of the one she buys and, I have legit had three glasses of the stuff today. It’s sooooooo gooooood. I’m trying to exercise restraint but it’s hard to do. After that I managed one of my cheapest shops to date, and then I’ve spent most of the afternoon watching silly films and playing Phasmo. It’s been a great day.

I think I’m getting into the more shaky part of TBS now, the parts that I haven’t got quite so planned out in my head and/or have changed quite a lot in the last two years. I’m also just so aware that I need to do a lot of editing to get these books into a state where I can start poking you – my army of imaginary readers – to, you know, read them. I’m working through some creative writing courses to try and spot areas for me to improve on, but in the meantime I’m hopefull to start putting some stuff out into the world again soon.

…Unless you count the three books on WattPad, but, don’t, because they are not in a good state…

This is technically my 900th blog post, although again that includes the two essays I wrote on here some time ago. I really need to rehome those at some point to make this feed cleaner. As it is, on day 1,033, it will be 900 days since day 133. Sounds arbitrary and meaningless when I put it like that, and in a way, that’s because 900 posts is arbitrary and meaningless. I’m wary of any kind of milestone celebration after 1K1K, but I figured it was worth acknowledging if nothing else. And as far as fake-day-900 goes, it goes good. 11:06 at time of writing this line, target banked just under an hour ago, and a 1,550 word target at that.

TBS is a bit of a special case novel. I alluded to this yesterday, but after sleeping on it I feel it’s worth noting that of all the stories in the STO arc, TBS is the one I ‘imagine’ in my head the most. Funny story, for those who look back on this one long after I publish it: I came up with this plot about 4 years before the Coronavirus. Did I predict covid? God no, it was a total coincidence, but TBS has become a book I believe I’ve said publicly I had no intention of writing: a covid novel. It’s a good thing I’m not bothered by publicity, because that’s not going to be a USP when I put this book out into the world. Still, in a weird way, covid is the perfect fit for the story I wanted to tell.

Early target is such a nice feeling. It’s been a while since I felt this in control at the end of a busy work week, and I’d missed the relaxed calm that comes with being on the ball. I’ll even go to Mana later, at long last. In my journal today, I wrote that things seem to be getting back to normal, then lamented just how many times I’ve said that before, only for everything to fall apart again. I said that you just have to have hope sometimes. Life enters dark places when you don’t feel things are changing for the better. Sometimes, you have to hope for that change to stick, to have any chance of it doing so. I guess, yet again my imaginary readers, we shall see.

So the good news is I’m falling back with ease into my old routine, now with a much better diet. Four days in a row in the office, productivity is looking up and I think if I can hold my nerve I’ll be out of the WFH mindset once and for all. Great! The bad news? I’m shattered, every single evening. Going back to 8,000 steps a day and over an hour of walking minimum is tough, and when you’re running a calorie deficit to get your weight down anyway…

Today was, pretty good for writing. I wrote 1,950, and TBS grew by closer to 3,500 words. Why so much? Well the latter is because I had a chapter already written long ago, one I edited into shape a couple days ago. The former close to 2K? Just, in the zone. It’s been a while since I felt as truly immersed in writing as I did today and Sunday. I think it shows this is the style of story I enjoy most, as well as this being the novel I’ve thought about the most prior to writing.

Well, time to go make food and try to wake myself up a bit. On that note, tonight I really need to get to bed on time. My routine is fixed, but my amount of sleep is anything but. Wish me luck.

Well I’m blogging a lil late, but I actually wrote about 5 hours ago. I was gonna go to the shop but I more or less got home and passed out a bit. That’s ok, I’m readjusting to a healthier routine, I knew there’d be roadbumps. I’m also writing an intense scene in TBS so it’s nice to feel focused. Also, I cannot be trusted to cut my own bread, I cut slices waaay too big.

My first target written at my work desk in weeks. I’m writing this entry as I walk home, after a tough but reasonably rewarding day. With just my daily row to do along with some editing I’ll do on this walk, I can look forward to a relaxed, even fun evening. Thinking I’ll continue to indulge my Pokémon Picross addiction.

TBS continues to chug along, though it’s been interesting writing a book that so heavily recaps an older one. The challenge has been to write a piece halfway between a sequel and a rewrite, as I have to assume the reader won’t have read the first entry. That’s a weird constraint, but kinda fun too. That surprises me given the book I’m referencing.

Happy Freedom Day…? Did anyone believe that even for a second? You know, pro tip, if you can’t announce your Freedom Day has arrived because you’re having to self iscolate, that’s maybe a hint that your celebration is a teeny bit premature. I mean, I did see more people not wearing masks in the office, but, like most people still are. I’ve decided to refrain from throwing Sharpies at people for the time being but imma get marker-happy if people push their luck. Is it bad workplace ettiquite to throw Sharpies at people? I don’t think so, I’ve not got a mark on my record and surely it would be permanent, eh? Eh? Because, it’s, you know what don’t worry. Christ it’s a good thing the only person who reads this besides me is a bot. Hi likebot. Dunno why you’re here but, have fun liking my posts, for no reason…

So another good day for writing, 1,400 more words for TBS, but more important was the 6,000 I cut from TUS in my extension effort. Why cut 6,000 words when the novel was already 15,000 too short? Because I restructured it with story beats in mind, and now while there are 6 missing chapters – about 14,000 words – and arounf 7,000 words of missing content from existing chapters to write, I now have the best shot I’ve ever had at getting this novel ready for prime time. What is prime time gonna look like? Well, I mean, it’s not ready yet but…

1kpublishing.com

^…that.

Well, I didn’t tidy the flat, but otherwise today went remarkably well. My PC didn’t even explode! Kinda weird how that’s now a thing. I wrote, a lot, and while I don’t push for multi-thousand days, 2,150 is a satisfying total. I think the prose itself was a lot better too, and while it’s a bit too undramatic as written – along with most of my stuff, I need to do a pazazz edit some time – the heart is great. I’m starting to feel this story a heck of a lot more, and it’s pacing itself without my conscious effort. I spotted an unintended beat today and realised I’d put it exactly where it needed to be on autopilot. Feels good.

Hoping to be back in the office tomorrow. Nervous breakdowns are, not fun. It’s good that I was able to continue to work as I had been, even if from home, but I want to be back in, visible, social and openly functional. Long may that continue, even if I suspect ‘Freedom Day’ is going to be a bittersweet memory for many in the not too distant future.

Well as far as days go, this sure was one. Actually it was a pretty sweet day; I finished watching Primal series 2 which is outstanding, and my computer exploded. That was less outstanding. But minor explosions aside – and it was minor as, well I’m typing this on that PC right now – today equaled out to be decent. I even got some beers for looking after dad’s cats, so all is well. And in terms of TBS, all is, going. I am in a bit of a limbo with the novel, not quite feeling it yet, but knowing that I will once I find my feet. New novel jitters I guess.

Also, I really, really need to tidy the flat…