“What’s one small improvement you can make in your life?”
Well, one right now would be trying to celebrate small achievements. I’m about to attempt to do so by meeting with a friend to celebrate the completion of the first year, which I just did. Took twelve years and technically I could still “fail” if one of my three awaiting submissions falls short, but the odds for once stand in my favour. I’m not nervous about failing, which is funny as I was sure I would be at this point. Unfortunately, I just feel empty. Burnout maybe? Reflection on what it cost to finally get here? The inescapable fact that this accomplishment condenses twelve years of my life into a technical footnote? An accident? No idea. It shouldn’t be much of a surprise that I am still very much not ok, so it could just be that. Could be fear of what comes next that I can’t process yet. Or, maybe I’m just ill and won’t realise until I can’t get out of bed tomorrow.
But for now, I’m going to go and celebrate, best I can. It’s a symbolic day. I just wish it felt like a good one.
samshuttleworth.com 