February 21st, 2023 – 1,609

~ Sam Shuttleworth

“Tell us about your favorite pair of shoes, and where they’ve taken you.”

That’s a tough one. I dunno if I have a favourite as the ones I used to love are, a bit tainted now. I do like the hiking boots I wear on the regular now, and as for where they’ve taken me? Back to university and along the new journey of EDS for the most part. I bought them and a pair of trainers some time ago, but mostly wore the trainers. I still have those, but after finding out all my ankle issues weren’t just in my head, I switched to these for more support. I feel like this prompt wanted more of a poetic narrative of a snapshot of life in my shoes as a metaphor tied to a physical object, but that’s all I’ve got I’m afraid. That’s sort of fitting though as creatively, and emotionally, I am drained right now.

I am in a sad state at the moment. I’m tired, stressed, and I just want to sleep. This weekend is gonna need an intense sleep, distraction-free, for once. I am, not very good at that right now, and it’s left me emotionally drained to the point of not functioning properly. I did at least get to do a few nice creative tasks at work, and the praise I got for them was nice. I just feel hollow. To be clear, this isn’t me ‘not feeling fulfilled’. I am where I want to be, doing what I want to do, and have the best partner, family and friends around me for support. I could not ask for more. The fault here is in me, and I’d wager, probably linked to the EDS. I mean, what isn’t? I try not to get into that mindset because it’s defeatist, but it’s gotta be a part of why I feel so drained.

I’ll get past this. I’ve gotten through much worse dark times in my head. Look at lockdown, or the time when uni was ‘Project4’ and I lived in fear it would stay just that, a n unfinished project. Look at the wilderness years after my last attempts. Look at those years themselves. This is my sunshine arc, but the clouds remain. That’s ok, in their own way clouds are beautiful, even if the darkness isn’t always nice. Now he gets poetic. I’m just gonna go rest and try not to get too emotional. Gotta save those spoons, because the week’s not over yet.

Published by Sam Shuttleworth

I’m Sam, and I live to write. I spent most of the first 8 years of my adulthood trying to balance writing with a large amount of crap in my personal life, until towards the end of 2018 I threw everything out and started afresh with just my writing. I built the new me around one goal: I have to write at least 1,000 words a day. I called this goal 1K, and it changed my life. So long as I write a thousand words a day, the day is a success, and atop that I've managed over time to build the life I wanted all those years. My greatest flaws as a writer is I still use too many adjectives, adverbs, connectives as openers, accidental passive voice and I don't force my work down people's throats enough on pain of extreme and unusual torture. My greatest strength is I know my greatest flaws and I'm working on them.