February 9th, 2023 – 1,597

“Do you need a break? From what?”

I do, from being in a perpetual state of either illness or business. I entered that state at the start of 2022, and it hasn’t ceased much if at all ever since. Project4 was a source of immense stress – you’ll note how I didn’t even feel I could talk about it here, on a blog no one reads – and then well, EDS. Then I’m barely done processing that and working through enrolment at college, the busiest time of the year, when uni starts and I hit the ground running. To my credit, I did just that and have the grades to prove it, but when I got ill over Christmas, I lost the best opportunity I had to switch off. While I’m back now, I am approaching this term with perhaps the same rigor, but a more solid promise to myself for those quiet days. Today was one of them.

After work, and after my one lecture for the day, I went to the library, and I just read books. I didn’t read anything from the reading list, I just picked up whatever sounded interesting and devoured it. And my god, I needed that. I am going to make this a regular Thursday thing, and ban any plans on Friday before 5pm to compensate for the added exertion required. This is living, and while yes I did intend to go to a society tonight, this was so much more valuable. I did also end up with some useful knowledge I can include in future essays, so it was a double win for all that. And now, I’m gonna go home, make a big ol’ pasta bake, and switch off for the weekend.

Oh and of course, I wrote. Comfort project is suiting me quite well, and while yes it’s not a story I would publish because I’m just writing daft silly stuff for me, it’s still letting me test out some ideas for style, narrative and plots that I will no doubt use in future works. And it’s having another huge benefit too: because 1K itself takes up less of my serious writing focus, I’m chipping away quite happily at the editing of TWR. So yeah, all in all, life is working out great right now. I hope this is the passing of the storm, because I need to be able to let my guard down.

That, of course, comes later. I have a trip to America, wonderful but scary for the fact I haven’t been abroad since Spain in 2014 and that, that wasn’t fun, for either of us. There wasn’t even an ‘us’ afterwards, that’s how bad that experience was. And of course, the big one is after I come back, I will soon find out if I have what it takes to cross a finish line that’s eluded me for twelve years. That is, for perspective, longer than the original draft of TUS has been around, even if not the rough notes or the principal character. That’s for the future though. Tonight, it’s time to rest. There’s a long road ahead.