February 28th, 2023 – 1,616

“Describe the most ambitious DIY project you’ve ever taken on.”

I wish I still had pictures. For the record, I failed, and the only reason the end result even functioned was the other people in our woodworking class – an odd choice for someone who can’t stand the texture of wood, I know – worked together to get it to the finish line. It was a “mini” bowling alley. By “mini”, I mean it was about 8/9ft long, with a ball return system and paint job. Yeah. It was “functional”, if by functional you can include having to lift the far end and shake it to make the pins roll back to the front like they were meant to. God I apologise to everyone involved with that monstrosity, what a mess.

Speaking of a mess, TWR is starting to not be as much of one? The early chapters are beginning to feel like the opening of a book you’d, you know, actually want to read? Intrigue, hooks to a mystery and to the world at large, better dialogue and structure, less telling etc. It still needs a bunch of work so I’m not like saying “go read it now”, but if you did, it’s not as awful as it was. Progress! Ending the month on a high with that, and while yeah there’s a lot of work there, and in my degree left to do, this feels like a nice natural moment for reflection. Imma go play some more Pokemon Yellow and enjoy it.

…Right after I buy more batteries. Thank god I saved before they died on the train…

February 27th, 2023 – 1,615

“If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?”

I wouldn’t because that’s dumb. Fine ok you didn’t give me that option so henceforth the word fewedesquagekomol is banned from general usage. I pick that so that only true nerds of this blog will ever know what the forbidden word is. And I will make this an in joke so bookmark this entry.

Today went well, wrote early, accepted help when I got stuck, made it into uni even though I felt incredibly ill this morning, and most of all, I have my week planned and organised ahead of me. Perfect? No far from it, but this is a manageable place to be, and I’m so glad I decided to write a goofy zero-consequences dumb novel while doing this because nonsense is the true cure to all of life’s woes. That’s what the word means by the way and no you’re still not allowed to use it, there will be penalties. I’m watching you, even if you are imaginary.

February 26, 2023 – 1,614

Can’t get the lil prompt thing to display again for some reason, ah well. No matter, I’ll keep this short in either case as I need to go to bed and it’s been a busy if relaxed day. I managed to mess up and forget some commitments which is frustrating and disheartening, given I thought I was better organised than that, but then I have been coming apart at the seams a bit from stress. One of these days, I’ll declare ‘quiet weekend’ and it’ll actually happen. I hope…

February 25th, 2023 – 1,613

“What advice would you give to your teenage self?”

Go to the doctor, show them your hands, tell them your knees bend that way too, and ask for an EDS screening. But then that would alter the timeline, and if I did that then I wouldn’t be in the position I am right now. I wouldn’t change a thing about my life because what I have now is too precious to risk losing. That said, EDS did quietly steal my 20s, so it’d be understandable say for someone in my position to wish to do that; adding that so on the off chance a fellow zebra reads this, they know if they feel differently, that is also valid.

Writing is going quite smoothly, and today was a lovely day spend with friends online. We played games and watched some Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared / Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, chill all around. Days like this matter a lot as getting to socialise without having to go out and about is so important when I’m running on such little energy, and matters a lot too because having friends so willing and able to support me like that makes a huge difference to my social life. Bit knackered now, but in a good way.

Also I’m 15 hours into Pokémon Yellow and I just ground my bought Magikarp up to level 15 to teach it a damaging move. I play these games in such an overwhelmingly grindy way and I lowkey love it. Granted nothing beats being on the second route of the game in Emerald 19 hours in. Time well spent, to me at least.

February 24th, 2023 – 1,612

“What bores you?”

I don’t get bored, not easily anyway. There’s a reason when I play Pokemon I tend to spend upwards of 15 hours of grinding on the first route; not efficient, but I like repetitive activities. I get bored by situations that I’m forced to do and feel I have nothing to contribute to, but that takes a very special cocktail to come together. Most of the time I can just make my own fun.

Had a super chill day. Worked on my essay for uni, and had a lovely hangout with my xirlfriend talking philosophy and writing, and just random topics as they came to mind. That’s all I need to be happy, so I am in a state of contentment. I think until I reach the end of the first year, this is the kind of day I want to aim for as many as possible of. Writing has been just as relaxed, coupled with editing my essay, just enough work to feel productive. Having Fridays as a day off is worth its weight in gold.

February 23rd, 2023 – 1,611

“What is your favourite drink?”

Still think it’s Guinness but coffee for function and a G&T to just relax rank up there, the latter of which I have availed myself plenty of tonight. I am so tired, stressed, more than a little tipsy I guess because of the former two, and just glad to be at the weekend at long last. I need a nice long break from thinking and doing, to do nothing and do it well. I’ve got an essay to tweak over the weekend true, but that I feel relative confidence over, and shouldn’t need too much work. As for other commitments, I know friends want to do a couple things, and I am happy to, but outside of that I am gonna just sleep. I’ve lost so much sleep this week, too many five and four hour nights, and it adds up fast. I won’t tonight as I had a fair amount to drink, but I think I need to start taking at least one paracetamol before bed to get past the hurdle of dropping off.

That said, 5 weeks down, 6 to go. I’m sad about that, as I don’t want university to pass so quickly.

February 22nd, 2023 – 1,610

“Who are your favorite people to be around?”

My friends, family and partner.

Woof, I keep getting less and less sleep at the moment. Last night was less than five hours, and I ‘function’ on 8-10 hours, so that’s close to half what I actually need. This is becoming a bit of a trend, and I need to arrest it if I want to not see my health deteriorating any faster than it already is. But hey, I finished target at my desk today after work. Really, giving up being in the office as much is one of the hardest parts of Project4, as I work so much better in all senses from here. I need a better solution for this. Hm.

February 21st, 2023 – 1,609

“Tell us about your favorite pair of shoes, and where they’ve taken you.”

That’s a tough one. I dunno if I have a favourite as the ones I used to love are, a bit tainted now. I do like the hiking boots I wear on the regular now, and as for where they’ve taken me? Back to university and along the new journey of EDS for the most part. I bought them and a pair of trainers some time ago, but mostly wore the trainers. I still have those, but after finding out all my ankle issues weren’t just in my head, I switched to these for more support. I feel like this prompt wanted more of a poetic narrative of a snapshot of life in my shoes as a metaphor tied to a physical object, but that’s all I’ve got I’m afraid. That’s sort of fitting though as creatively, and emotionally, I am drained right now.

I am in a sad state at the moment. I’m tired, stressed, and I just want to sleep. This weekend is gonna need an intense sleep, distraction-free, for once. I am, not very good at that right now, and it’s left me emotionally drained to the point of not functioning properly. I did at least get to do a few nice creative tasks at work, and the praise I got for them was nice. I just feel hollow. To be clear, this isn’t me ‘not feeling fulfilled’. I am where I want to be, doing what I want to do, and have the best partner, family and friends around me for support. I could not ask for more. The fault here is in me, and I’d wager, probably linked to the EDS. I mean, what isn’t? I try not to get into that mindset because it’s defeatist, but it’s gotta be a part of why I feel so drained.

I’ll get past this. I’ve gotten through much worse dark times in my head. Look at lockdown, or the time when uni was ‘Project4’ and I lived in fear it would stay just that, a n unfinished project. Look at the wilderness years after my last attempts. Look at those years themselves. This is my sunshine arc, but the clouds remain. That’s ok, in their own way clouds are beautiful, even if the darkness isn’t always nice. Now he gets poetic. I’m just gonna go rest and try not to get too emotional. Gotta save those spoons, because the week’s not over yet.

February 20th, 2023 – 1,608

“Share one of the best gifts you’ve ever received.”

Ooooo ok. well I think the one I’m gonna highlight is one of the coolest gifts I’ve ever gotten.

This is a birthday advent calendar. Every door corresponds to a month, and I get to open the door on the 13th. There’s a small envelope behind each, and that contains a note saying what the gift is. It’s such a lovely gesture and it was such a mood booster to look at upcoming days. The gifts don’t have to be big or splashy, it’s just the niceness of getting a little special thing every month. Honestly, do this for your loved ones, it’s such a cool idea and I am definitely gonna do one for someone when I can.

Writing is still on my comfort project, but I think that’s more because I needed to just have comfort right now, at least until the end of the 10 weeks of term. Also, it’s still letting me focus on editing TWR so I can’t complain.

February 19th, 2023 – 1,607

“Write about your approach to budgeting.”

Hah, um I blow all my disposable income on Pokemon games and then feel like a ten year old is managing my finances?

In all seriousness what I do is spreadsheet it. I have my student grant split up by month so I know how much of it I can use, and I have my salary that goes in on the last working day. I track all my one off purchases and food costs in two columns, and have a third for fixed costs. I would show you, but then I’d be sort of doxxing myself financially. And you’d judge me for how much I spend on those games. Turns out genuine cartridges are, dear.