“What could you do differently?”
So one of you decided to be slightly less imaginary after yesterday’s post. Thank you, I would say you’ve no idea how much I needed your help in that moment, but I know you well enough to know you knew exactly how much I needed it. I called in sick, which I should have done on Thursday. So here’s point 1 to the question above: functional does not always mean well enough to work. Yes, I got stuff done, but I also got more ill. Point 2, I could have submitted my essay today, but I got the medical allowance for a 7 day extension back at the start of term because my health ain’t great, and there’s no two ways about this: my EDS ate into my editing time, as well as this current infection. So I’m handing them in late, not proud of that, but I can’t let pride stop me from using the tools I know I need. I’m writing here that I’m handing in my essays for American Political Culture and Early Modern World late so I am publicly accountable, and to show I’m not just “taking an extension”. No, I have the essays, but I deserve the time illness took from me to polish them. For me to take any other stance would be ablest, against myself, and all the people who rely on equality measures such as these for a fair playing field. I would be doing a disservice to the multitudes of disability activists who fought for my rights here if I let pride erase my legitimate medical case.
And 3? I’m not gonna beat myself up for it. I had a month to do these. I spent the first, third and fourth weeks of that month bedridden. The second I had 3 Christmasses in a row to attend, and well, I don’t want to make anyone feel bad, but there’s a reason I was then bedridden for most of the ensuing two weeks. It’s no one’s fault but mine, because I could have taken time to rest at any time, and failed to do so. I am, as it turns out, bad at EDS. I am bad at being a student. I am bad at humaning. But I can learn. You know, they tell you the first year doesn’t count. Anyone who knows my past knows the eye twitch I get when I hear that and why, but there is a fundamental truth buried in that statement: this is the year of my life where it’s never been better to get stuff wrong. Most people don’t get to say that about being 30, but my 30 is most people’s 18. I’m a bit slow, and that’s ok. But I will get this right. I will get that First. I will be ok.
I will, also be off sick tomorrow because Jesus Christ I am in a lot of pain right now…
UPDATE: Damn it I put 2022 again…
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