December 16th, 2022 – 1,542

“Tell us one thing you hope people never say about you.”

Woof, that’s a hell of a question. I guess I hope people don’t say I’m unpleasant to be around. I sure as heck know I used to be for quite large stretches of my life, but I’d like to think I’ve gotten better there. That’s not so much for my ego, I like spending time around people and would hate if it was zero-sum. Not sure what else to say on that one, except that it helps that I have my journal and this blog to work through what I need to work on. Self reflection, it’s almost as if it’s by far the best way to work on your shortcomings, or at least begin to.

Not so much a shortcoming as an oopsie but guess who didn’t sleep again, ha, ha ha, ha. I need to stop doing this to myself. Not that I am doing it on purpose, but I need to figure out why my sleep is so fragile and correct for it. The problem is I am so lax about a routine. My xirlfriend is on the ball, at 10pm telling me “go bed”, and to my credit I often then do, but some days I haven’t even started writing when that reminder comes through. The number one culprit of late target is tiredness, so it ends up being a vicious cycle.

Now, you might notice – only if you get those email notifications, which by the way I still think you’re insane and imaginary – that I’m writing this at 12pm. So yeah, I don’t know if I’ve talked about this in a while, but I have what I call ‘5am syndrome’, where if I am up that late, and don’t then sleep or barely get an hour or two, I become far more alert and on the ball as a result. I’ve seen enough anecdotal evidence to suggest there’s an actual shared psychological phenomenon going on there but I’m trying to focus my readings on my degree for now so no rabbit holes pls. Point being, as much as I feel wretched right now, I had a very productive day. And hopefully my leaky ceiling is getting fixed!

Oh yeah did I mention my ceiling is leaking? Yeah this week was rough.