December 13th, 2022 – 1,539

“What are your favourite physical activities or exercises?”

Three: walking, rowing, and cycling. I no longer trust myself on a bike, so I guess it’s two now, but I did love to cycle. The problem is I fell off, a lot. I don’t even know if that’s the EDS because cycling – along with swimming – is supposed to be one of the best activities for EDS. Incidentally, I have a huge aversion to swimming, I hate being exposed, I hate feeling like the water is what’s holding me up because it feels super vulnerable, and it knackers me. Rowing I love, but 2022 ended up such a rough year I’ve barely touched my Water Rower. I hope I manage to work it back in again soon. But walking? I may get tired very fast but I love it, there’s nothing like a walk, because you just see the world you know? Every tiny detail of a place you know well, or one you’ve never been. I can’t wait to walk around in Seattle. And when I first returned to Sussex, that walk saw kilos of angst, shame and fear dropping away from me with every step. Nothing is as cathartic.

I keep getting 4 hours of sleep and I don’t like this pattern. I don’t know what I can do about it but it’s proving to be a real huge issue, because I cannot focus anywhere near as well as I need to for best functioning, and the pain gets a lot worse. No idea what’s causing it but it’s grim and it needs to stop. Also I haven’t written any more of Clockspinning yet – which is the new project I mentioned the other day and forgot to elaborate on – because I feel it’s not quite got me hooked as an idea yet. I can’t decide if that’s me being too picky, or if I need to start a new fiction or nonfiction endeavour that hooks me more. One to think on. I could also just, write A Planet Named George. Been talking about doing that one since This Blog started and haven’t made so much as a two day attempt yet.