So this month was a rough one, I think we’re all on the same page about that. I mean, we’re all on the same page about everything, all the people reading this are either me or figments of my imagination, but whatever. May is often a rough month, and that has held true through every year of 1K so far. But aside from sleep issues, it’s been far from the worst, albeit that was 2020, and 2020’s May, June and July are all hard ones to top. Obviously I exclude the Sussex University years from that because, well I can’t distinguish individual months there so good, though I do know June/July 2013 were worse than lockdown. No I’m not kidding, the Sussex years put the Covid years to shame.

My partner is now at least as if not more prolific in daily writing as me, and I am looking to take a leaf from their book when it comes to the post-STO years. In particular, I am planning to have a ‘deck’ of projects, and perhaps a physical one I keep on me. If I want to work on specific stuff, I can reduce the number of projects in the deck, and if I am burning out on one in particular, I can increase the options instead. I think this is going to revel where my actual limit lies, as I am pretty sure if I allow myself to jump around too much I’ll lose my flow, but my hyper rigid approach – while good for churning out first drafts fast one by one – is not great for my long term wellbeing when I hit a bad project. The Horizon trilogy were all bad projects, and I had no release valve. It’s like I’ve been writing the same book every day for 8-9 months with no breaks, and boy has that taken a toll.

In theory, if I jump around, and so long as I don’t drop too many projects, I should be as productive as with my current approach, as I will with luck end up with less gravely-ill projects. I believe any draft can be saved, but it takes more effort for some than others. TSS took no effort, the book I wanted to write just needed time to ferment; HOF is going to be full level intensive surgery, and I think I’ll be cutting the Fun and Games as written in almost its entirety. I bring this up because I cannot for the life of me decide where TUS fits on that scale. I love the book, and that’s even when I separate the fact it’s been a project I’ve worked on in some way or another for like, 14 years or so at this point. Yes, I had the idea a long, long time before it took form in 2012. In fact, Heather as a character goes back close enough to 22 years. You can see then why I want to get this one right, and of late, I’ve been editing between 3 and 30 words a day. In the last three days I’ve done several hundred. I guess I just needed to wait for the moment. So I sure as heck hope the Horizon series gets one of those in time.

I am just doing great at writing these early aren’t I? I’m glad my blog doesn’t show how many of these posts are post 11pm. And I’m really glad it doesn’t show the quality of the prose because that’s just wonderful. I think, after I finish the STO series, I need to institute an ‘on ice’ policy. Basically, if it’s not working out, I say I’ll pick up the story on the 1st of the next month. Admittedly, that wouldn’t have much impact here but I mean, I’m not even sure it’d work full stop. Something to try. And I just don’t suit high sci-fi in this style.

Also treated myself to 7UP because it’s my childhood. Gotta be nicer to myself.

Tried to carve out a quiet day but it wasn’t meant to be. I even did my first really substantial edit for months, but as soon as I was in the zone I had to drop everything. Happened several times before I just gave up on early target. Just starting to feel a little hopeless to be honest.

Another lazy day. Another write off day. Take your pick, and I mean, shrug. Is what it is. I’m just very tired. Looking forward to being done with this book. Bleh.

Took today as a day off and spent it mostly as a nothing day. All’s good. Shane about writing late but I mean, what can you do. I’m feeling better than I have been, but I do also need to ensure my sleep schedule doesn’t go entirely out the window. I also ended up on Minecraft most of the day, bit I’m a lil bit worried about how creatively draining that ended up being. Might need to ration out my play more.

Also I got the Wordle in 4. If I’d got it in 3 then my average would be exactly 4. That’s frustrating but made moreso by getting it down to two possible words after guess 2. And I was going to guess the right word until I started typing. Whyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Get it? Because it was day 1337 so it was, leet speak – yeah you got it. That was, interesting to proof read. So today I didn’t manage to write at work and just, threw my hands up and decided I just need rest, so I booked an extra day of leave tomorrow and I’m going to just, recharge. I don’t really know how yet but, we’ll see. I ache. Brain melty. Sad noises.

Eh I’ll be fine. I got the Wordle in 2 for only the second time so that was neat. Also Dungeon Crawler Carl book 5 came out on Audible today, so I’m a happy bunny.

W3LL 7H12 Pos7 12 Kom1N’ OU7 4 LO7 l473r 1N 73H D4y 7H4n 17 W42 M34N7 7O. 1 w4NT3d TO Wr1t3 1n T3h mOrn1N’, 8ut 1 5p3Nt MO5T of T3H moRN1n’ TrY1N’ to K33P mY h34D 48OV3 W4t3r wH1l3 My L392 d3c1D3D To THroW 4 h155y pH1t. 4H w3ll, wh@ k4n U D0. 70m0rr0w 12 901n’ 70 83 1n73R3571N’ A2 1’m 93771N’ a l1f7 1n70 W0rk, wh1cH Ph1N93R2 cR0553D M3An2 1 W1LL HAv3 7H1n92 5m007H3d 0u7 8Y 7h3n. 1F 1 kAn JU57 Wr173 3arlY 1’ll 83 pH1N3. 45iD3 pHRom P4iN OF kour23. no7 wR171n’ @ 11Pm WouLD 83 A w1n.

And if any of you can read that fluently I commend you.

A little bit more on track today, I wrote and did all my tasks for 1K by 5pm, and started this post just before 5 so it’ll go out right after. It’s a bit grim how tired I am but I didn’t sleep too good last night. As it was, for some reason I still managed to get my act together so I’ll take it, but I need to force an early night tonight or Imma feel that real bad by Thursday. Speaking of ‘real bad’, NHO trundles on. OK, that is a bit harsh, but I think I’ve learned my lesson loud and clear: break up big projects. That absolutely includes trilogies. The ‘big project’ for me is anything above a novel, which I think I have down good as far as pacing goes.

The one issue that raises however is I would like to do things like webnovels or intense NaNoWriMo challenges in the future, the latter if I were to ever get an audience. That’s all well and good, but for length or intensity reasons do those count as ‘big projects’? Will they burn me out like this has me? Or, am I blaming NHO when I know damn well Project4 is what’s burning me out? And am I ever going to tell you what Project4 is?

Yes, but later.

Am I just allergic to writing when I should at the moment? It sure as heck feels that way not going to lie. I need to keep this short just so I can try and get a full night’s rest, though that dream often dies as soon as I get past 11pm. But hey, at least today wasn’t all bad right? Lol nope I woke up in a ton of pain and had to work from home, that was wonderful. Eugh. This too shall pass. Need to stop whining, get on with it and try to enjoy work tomorrow. If I can get in I’m sure I will, so I really, Really hope I manage it. Wish me luck.

Another nothing day, but I feel a teensy bit better about this one. I wrote a touch earlier, but it was more that I spent it relaxing, and think I found the exact thing I like doing. I like to relax by doing activities where I follow instructions. It hit me today when I was playing Minecraft, and I found in the mod menu a baking sim ‘baked’ in. I pulled up the advancements tree, and the idea in that moment that I could make it my goal to complete it just, struck me in the face, as like the perfect way I want to play right now. Then with my mind set on that, I deflated at the thought I needed to design a nice looking bakery. But, then I just, looked up a build tutorial. Yeah, it’s not my original work, and yeah, I won’t learn as fast doing that, but maybe I’m not playing for that. It’s just like Lego: I like following step by step things and enjoying the result. I had it yesterday building a Blaze farm, and I just, feel so relaxed.

It’s too bad then that I feel for all that rest, I’m still a teensy bit too burned out to write at my best. I have managed to work in a really cool little detail which I’ve wanted to do more of in the series, namely I realised a character I’d introduced in the previous chapter worked as a trans character and just ran with it, so little stuff like that makes me enjoy writing more. But the quality, yeah it ain’t there right now. Needs to sit in a drawer for a long time before it is I fear.