March 31st, 2022 – 1,282

I am on zero sleep, I have managed to plough through some big chunks of work, and I hit target before 3pm. All in all, that is testament to how I can do just about anything on any day if I put my mind to it, and I’m realistic about my limits. Of course, it’s my health limits that have me in this state in the first place, but here’s hoping it’s me overthinking it and I can look back and laugh at myself later when it turns out the diagnosis was wrong. There’s still a good chance it is, and no I’m not going to say what it is for except to say it’s not the big C or the little c; I’d hope you’d recognise I wouldn’t be this wound up about covid in either case. And it is almost certainly not fatal.

Yeah I am not ok. I thought I’d go back to work and on the Tuesday I’d get blindsided by something and fall back into struggling again. Turns out I was a day off and it was Wednesday I needed to keep an eye on. Then again, this whole month has been wretched. Actually no imma say it: 2022 is wretched. The only difference to 2020 and 2021 is that 90% of the problems are my own doing and even choice in the majority of cases. This however, this was not. And it goes without saying, Project4 just potentially got a lot harder overnight. It was already close to impossible, so, yeesh…

One day when I can stop speaking about this in code, y’all imaginary folk are gonna realise just how messed up this first quarter of the year was for me. For now though, back to work, and back to trying to figure all this out…