February 21st, 2022 – 1,244

A great start to the week on multiple counts. I’ve managed to finish writing up a new draft Data Sharing Agreement for work, which is one of those nice pieces of work that feel like they’re going to make a significant impact. I wrote early on my lunch break, and with relative ease. And, perhaps what I’m most proud of, I did some substantial editing of TFS. Now yes, my focus is meant to be TUS not TFS, but a 200+ word edit is still a big leap forwards, and my first such substantial one in a long while. I’m under no illusions that this probably isn’t going to be the norm just yet, but it shows I’m starting to climb out of burnout. The only real issue today was I still managed not to sleep properly.

Sleep is such a pain right now. When I first started writing up my insights into why 1K works for me so well, it was understanding that I could make anything my absolute bedrock if I really wanted. However, even if I can make one absolute below all else, it doesn’t change that sleep is a must for at least the penultimate block of my pyramid of needs. And while I can bank target no matter what, if I want to do more than ‘survive’, sleep is non-negotiable. My average has slipped by about an hour in the last few months, and I am only really functional when I’m on above 8 hours. There have been weeks of late where getting above 7 proved easier said than done.

So how do I fix that? I have to right, if I don’t want to just pass out or turn into a presenteeism zombie. Well, I have options, but they are all costly in their own ways. Probably the easiest option is a curfew, with a provision to say I have to drop everything for target at a certain time. That’s easy, on paper. In practice, willpower comes at least in part from rest, if only so the body has a fighting chance to get my metabolism in order. In other words, if I mess up, it’s very hard to break back into tough routines where the willpower was self sustaining. The biggest, and most depressing example of this, is my rowing. I was doing 10 minutes a day, and then I got ill. Now I haven’t rowed in weeks. Not even once. Habits are fragile.

I could just try napping more, but that has its own issues. For one thing I don’t know how much I like sleeping through my evenings. The 8 hour night is actually more of a product of capitalism than any real boon, and, like the rich, the world would be better off if it went away at some point. That might be my spiciest political hot take on this blog I’ve ever done. Can you see why I don’t do them now? Moving on, the only other major option I have is to take stronger sleep medication, and, well I don’t want to. That stuff scares me, a lot. I also do not think drugging myself up is going to be a great long-term solution. But, at least tonight, I can go to bed early. Kind of. Still have to do volunteering after work.

Man I’m tired.

EDIT: Oh hey, 1,111 days of blogging, nice!