January 10th, 2022 – 1,202

I have decided to do something today, that I have not done in over twelve years. I think the last time I did was perhaps even fifteen years and ten days ago. How so precise? Well, I am going to do the catastrophic mistake, of making a New Years Resolution. 10 days late. Ok look I don’t get to decide when I have epiphanies and I don’t even like New Years so screw it, we’ll do it live. Late. Ok so enough delaying, what is the resolution?

Forgiving myself. It, kinda hit me today when I was journalling. Today did not go well, not even a little, at least in the middle. I felt awful all morning and afternoon, and when I did write it was drivel. And in my journal I lamented all the stuff I did wrong and how I need to get a grip and get back in control, and why is it I’m so out of kilter yet again and, and well it hit me. I spend so much energy beating myself up for everything. Ok, when I say everything you might think all the stuff that happens in a day that goes bad, right?

No I mean in that sense you see people talk about in memes, where the memory from 20 years ago flits into their mind and they just sink down in horror and regret. And you know what, dealing with the present and past versions of that is too much right now. Enough beating myself up. So this year, as an experiment, I am going to avoid doing it. Flawless idea right?

Ok so the real resolution is what I’m going to do when that fails. The idea is a simple one, and leans into the tool I have best suited for this task: the bullet journal. When I feel those emotions welling, I will stop, I will make a special bullet in the journal, and I will write out that I forgive myself for that thing. I will even use a special new colour of pen to mark it, to make it all the more significant. Which colour? I have no idea, let’s have a think. I’m leaning towards, purple.

Worth a shot.