August 23rd. 2021 – 1,063

~ Sam Shuttleworth

You really wouldn’t have thought eating an apple a day would be that hard, would you? I like apples, a lot in fact. I could probably quite happily eat two, but for the slight problem that for some reason, I need a rigid routine to remember to eat things like that. Yesterday I forgot for the 4th or 5th day in a row. I could look it up in the bullet journal but I’d only make myself more despondent at my idiocy. I think though, to my credit, it’s more symptomatic at how bad the last 4 or 5 days have been for me, and how I need to right the ship as soon as possible.

Sleep hasn’t been an issue. I actually got a full night’s sleep going into Monday, a great start to the week, and got that plus more today after a very early night yesterday. The problem, is I got that early night because I was dead on my feet after work, and could barely think straight enough to do my evening routine, let alone much else. What’s worse, is I’ve woken up feeling like that too. Fatigue isn’t a new problem for me, but it’s been a wretched weekend because it got a heck of a lot worse over this one. Emotional stress is the root of that, and rest and gradual readjustment is the cure, but I feel like I have to cut myself off from some of those sources if I’m going to stabilize, and two of those sources are, well, awkward to do so from.

Whatever I end up doing, it’s a bit late for the latest chapters of TBS. While I’m overjoyed I figured out the midpoint of the novel eventually, what I ended up writing for it was limportant to an extreme. What’s worse is it’s not only limportant, it’s also just not that thrilling, which is bad for what I’m hoping to make eventually into one of the most intense scenes in the book. I’ll fix it when it comes time to edit, but a win here would have done my self esteem a world of good. As it is, I’ll just need to try and get that from the rest of the work day, and hope I’m less despondent when I clock out today. I am, so tired of feeling so tired. At least WHT is testament to the fact I can save a story if I really want to. It’ll all get there, eventually.

Published by Sam Shuttleworth

I’m Sam, and I live to write. I spent most of the first 8 years of my adulthood trying to balance writing with a large amount of crap in my personal life, until towards the end of 2018 I threw everything out and started afresh with just my writing. I built the new me around one goal: I have to write at least 1,000 words a day. I called this goal 1K, and it changed my life. So long as I write a thousand words a day, the day is a success, and atop that I've managed over time to build the life I wanted all those years. My greatest flaws as a writer is I still use too many adjectives, adverbs, connectives as openers, accidental passive voice and I don't force my work down people's throats enough on pain of extreme and unusual torture. My greatest strength is I know my greatest flaws and I'm working on them.