August 31st, 2021 – 1,070

Ok I promise I’m not making a repeat of 1K1K but it’s funny, too funny not to mention here: I got a message today about my new desk: it has left Singapore and it’s on its way. And yes, delays can and likely will happen with the current state of the world, but it turns out my ETA for the desk being in the UK, not delivered, is September 25th. The next working day from there is a Monday. Monday, the 27th. There is a not-0% chance the desk actually arrives on 3Y1K, which for a desk bought to celebrate 1K is a pretty amusing coincidence.

I also think I may, may, have figured out the missing bits for this story. I won’t spoil it, though I mean come on, who cares, but suffice to say, it concerns a vehicle quite central to all the stories, and I am amazed it is only occuring to me now to use it. I’ve also fleshed out the B Story and on the whole, I feel a lot more confident about the book than I did. Still not 100%, but greater than 0%. Greater than 0% seems to be a theme. There is a greater than 0% chance – namely almost 100% – that I won’t get enough sleep tonight. Better try and forestall that by going to bed now…

August 30th, 2021 – 1,069

Nice. Plus a thoudand. Actually today was nice, and stressful, and relaxed, and tiring. Today was, a day. I wish I wroter sooner but then, I feel that was going to be a mission given how in disarray I feel at the moment. Still, a four day week, a relatively under control work queue and to be honest, everything to look forward to. All is ok. Except for TBS, that’s turning into a disaster and I’m not sure what this book is about anymore. I may need to go back to the drawing board, even as I keep writing ahead as if it’s all fine. It’s totally fine. It’s not fine…

August 28th, 2021 – 1,067

I’m pretty sure that one of these days I’ll get the hang of this darn book, bit it’s still not quite happened. But eh, I spent most of today goofing off and playing the new Phasmo update. And weirdly, that’s kinda helped? I think I might be on to something.

August 26th, 2021 – 1,065

Psychonauts 2 is out of this world. I will try and reserve judgement until I finish it, but it provisionally has taken the number 3 slot in my favourite games, and might even dethrone the number 2 slot. On my list where I group series together, it may put Psychonauts in a dead tie with Monkey Island, which should tell you just how fantastic the game is. I can see myself replaying this one hundreds of times, and the Psychonauts HQ is just really nice to walk around in.

I worked on both WHT and TBS this morning between work tasks, and I’m starting to get a better grip on both stories. I even banked an additional 300 words of TBS on top of target, so today has been a good day. Granted it’s only 1pm so there’s still a fair amount of the day to work through. That I’m feeling stable on a Thursday is such a good sign, and I hope that means I am getting close to being stable in general. I’m sitting in an office, with people all around me, visitors coming and going, and a grey sky outside. It’s just a normal August day, and it’s hard to put into words how good that feels.

August 25th, 2021 – 1,064

Today is finally the day. I set the download early this morning, and when I get home tonight it’s all ready to go and waiting. Psychonauts 2 at long last, and I am excited. I’m tempering my expectations and looking forward to enjoying it for whatever it is, rather than letting hype get the better of me. That way, if it is mindblowing – heh – then I will enjoy it all the more for not expecting it to reach that level. Ages ago I said I would do a breakdown of my top-10 favourite games, but as I still haven’t gotten around to it, Imma just say here and now that the original is 4th on that list, and the only platformer in the top 10 if you don’t group by series. If we do, and this one is good, on the parallel list where I do group series’ together, this could climb even higher. The top two is near enough impossible to breach, but third might not be.

I try not to think in superlatives, as if a game is in my top 20, I can just pick it up without thinking and dive back in for a fun and relaxed experience. That’s true of Psychonauts and The Simpsons Hit & Run, the only other high ranking platformer. Portal 2 is a lot further down because while I love the game, I can’t relax-play it, and that has emerged as the biggest defining factor of if a game can take the top spots. There’s a reason the #1 has never been dethroned, and it’s in part because I have it installed on just about every computer I own that isn’t my work laptop. I hope Psychonauts 2 holds that same relaxed explorative feel. I used to lose hours just wandering around Whispering Rock and enjoying the scenery, the music and talking to the other kids on the campsite. And trailing the Milkman. After all, his milk is delicious.

August 23rd. 2021 – 1,063

You really wouldn’t have thought eating an apple a day would be that hard, would you? I like apples, a lot in fact. I could probably quite happily eat two, but for the slight problem that for some reason, I need a rigid routine to remember to eat things like that. Yesterday I forgot for the 4th or 5th day in a row. I could look it up in the bullet journal but I’d only make myself more despondent at my idiocy. I think though, to my credit, it’s more symptomatic at how bad the last 4 or 5 days have been for me, and how I need to right the ship as soon as possible.

Sleep hasn’t been an issue. I actually got a full night’s sleep going into Monday, a great start to the week, and got that plus more today after a very early night yesterday. The problem, is I got that early night because I was dead on my feet after work, and could barely think straight enough to do my evening routine, let alone much else. What’s worse, is I’ve woken up feeling like that too. Fatigue isn’t a new problem for me, but it’s been a wretched weekend because it got a heck of a lot worse over this one. Emotional stress is the root of that, and rest and gradual readjustment is the cure, but I feel like I have to cut myself off from some of those sources if I’m going to stabilize, and two of those sources are, well, awkward to do so from.

Whatever I end up doing, it’s a bit late for the latest chapters of TBS. While I’m overjoyed I figured out the midpoint of the novel eventually, what I ended up writing for it was limportant to an extreme. What’s worse is it’s not only limportant, it’s also just not that thrilling, which is bad for what I’m hoping to make eventually into one of the most intense scenes in the book. I’ll fix it when it comes time to edit, but a win here would have done my self esteem a world of good. As it is, I’ll just need to try and get that from the rest of the work day, and hope I’m less despondent when I clock out today. I am, so tired of feeling so tired. At least WHT is testament to the fact I can save a story if I really want to. It’ll all get there, eventually.

August 23rd, 2021 – 1,062

It’s nice to like Mondays again. I haven’t for quite a long time because I’ve felt out of sorts and the working week was always a fresh adjustment to deal with. Now I’ve found better rhythm and don’t have to mentally switch between home being work and also home, it’s much easier for me to relax into my work queue and enjoy my job. I hope that is a feeling that lasts, and I’m happy to say I managed to chip off target between replying to emails this morning, so all in all, a fantastic start to the week. The only real problem I face now is my diet, and I need to get a handle on that one quite badly.

When I get overwhelmed with stress, the diet is the first wall to fall. That’s been true my whole life, and I’ve just been lucky I have a god-like metabolism that means I can shed weight like other people shed clothes. However now I’m approaching my thirties like a freight train I do need to stop relying on that, as I will lose that superpower all too soon. This was one of the reasons we hired my dietitian, and I do like the new diet a lot, but this weekend I fell off the wagon hard because it seemed every time I tried to switch off, someone lobbed a grenade at me. No ones fault, that’s just something that happens in life from time to time, but I need to be more resilient than that.

I’m also coming to terms with the sheer amount of work TBS needs to become a decent book, and that it’s going to be a huge job to pull it up to that level. I also feel that’s true for every other novel, but TBS and TWR both need it most of all, and likely both need to be done last at this rate to get the most out of the process. TBS is at least not burdened with also being a foreshadowing novel, but I really want it to be good too. Still, that’s later-me’s problem. And hey, I’m enjoying editing WHT so I don’t feel too bad about deferring that.

August 22nd, 2021 – 1,061

You might have gathered yesterday that I was not in the happiest of moods as I finished up my day, and that I didn’t write especially early. Well today was that again, but with less company and more seething stress by myself, and less adherance to the diet, so all in all a write off. But it did have one bright spot: I figured out the perfect turning point/midpoint for TBS, and I’m set up to write it tomorrow, meaning I only overshot by 7,000 words. Yay. Yeah there’s no way to polish today, it sucked, and I am going to need to declare next weekend off limits if I’m to avoid just menally crashing at this point. You know if I’m admitting it to my imaginary readers here that I’m serious.

One day I’ll get my act together.