June 23rd, 2021 – 1,001

Well, I’m in a bad way. Yesterday was, pretty unpleasent all told. Just a massive melancholia drop that not even a day trip to Ore helped with. Today wasn’t a ton better and I’m writing this at about half eleven at night so that gives you some idea where my head is at. I didn’t even go to the shop in the end because I knew after work that I was too depressed to want to be around people. Honestly this might be a WFH Thursday and Friday just so I can work with my head down not being self consious about it.

So what went so wrong? Well, me ignoring the subconsious message I kept telling myself over and over again didn’t help. How many times on here alone have I talked about milestones being arbitary numbers? 10K marks in books, 100s marks in 1K heck, even 1K’s 1,000 target is arbitary. At least the latter is functionally a requirement for the project to mean anything but, why was I so hung up on a thousand days?

The irony is, nothing wen’t wrong. The day on paper went exactly as I’d hoped: AM target, chill day, Ore visit, take out in the evening as a celebration. The latter was the one part that lifted my mood a bit, and the leftovers about the only thing I woke up looking forward to as my mood soured overnight even more. I put too much pressure on the day, and more, I forgot the reason milestones don’t sit well with me: they devalue other achievements. You know why 1K works so well? It’s not even a full chapter, or really a full super short story. At minimum anything I write tends to be 1,500 words. Even my Living Earth Mythos stuff I wrote for target before doing main story content each day was at least 1,200.

By setting up 1K1K, I was not focusing on a ‘new New Year’, like XY1Ks. 1Y1K and 2Y1K have worked for me because they’re my replacements for New Years, a pairing of days I despise. In that they have a clear function: a middle finger to the aformentioned days, and a celebration of achievement based on time, not quantity of days. Sure, you could argue 1K1K was focused on a thousand days, but really, I don’t think in terms of a thousand days. I think in years becuase our calendars work in years, and getting my head around a thousand days at best gave me a minor existential crisis. It didn’t help to think that I’ll only get so many thousands done in my human lifespan. For all I know I’ll die before 10K1K.

And you know what? I’ve learned my lesson. Acknowledging milestones is fine, but keep it super simple. The year markers getting attention, totally fine, as I’m more celebrating how the 27th of September changed my life rather than the exact number of completed days. I think I also got myself hung up on the idea that the first thousand contained a magic I won’t find again. Also rubbish, because I find new stuff all the time. So I think I’ll forget about day 1,000. Day 999 on the other hand, well, that day was special. But, not because it was the same as the emergency services number…


Watch this space…