May 13th, 2021 – 960

Having a separate work and home space makes early target so much easier. I both chipped it off easier in between tasks and managed to get more work done in general. The wall of awful overwhelm that came with doing every little work task in my space that’s meant for relaxation was intense, far more than I realised at the time. Every single email was a home invasion, and I say that as someone who loves their job. If I was doing a job I didn’t like, I think I’d have had a full on meltdown. That’s a sobering thought. It also might be an inaccurate one, downplaying just how much help 1K has been over the last two hundred plus days.

Lockdown neatly split as it stands into two halves. If my maths is right, in ten days from today, it will have been 216 days since my ankle injury, and 216 days before that since lockdown began. Two very different dark times, the former featuring the initial disruption and the questionable decision in hindsight to write WAN. The second stretch saw me home bound, a growing agoraphobia that even now lingers, and of course, another house move just as a third national lockdown began. That second one was like the first on steroids. Where I was at first out of all my routines and confined as we all were, in the second I was double trapped at home, and the outside world became a gradual distant memory. But 1K kept me holding on.

I’m not 100% yet. Therapy will help there, as well as helping address the deep seated mess in my mind I’ve been carrying around for the last decade. Work life balance restored will help me get back in control of both. And to be blunt, if it weren’t for 1K, I think all of this would take years to achieve. As it is, I anticipate being all but done by the time I start my therapy, ready to take that big step at last. In the meantime, I guess I’ll just keep chipping away at MAL, a thousand words at a time. Funny, because years ago, before 1K, I thought writing was causing me to fall apart. At this point, I’m pretty convinced it saved my life.