May 2nd, 2021 – 949

Really sorry about the short and late post yesterday. Ok I don’t know why I’m apologising, but, well I guess I feel I should post more than that, and on busy days it’s not all that viable. Sure I could have, but I find it more authentic if I blog before midnight and don’t then add to it. But it’s just about to go 5pm as I type this, so I have all the time in the world. And that’s after writing 1,750 more words of the new book today. I’ve hit 1,100 extra words for May and we’re 2 days in. Now I won’t, but if I did keep that pace, this would be a borderline NaNoWriMo month. Again, not aiming for that, but it’s nice to hit that stride without trying to. When I saw my wordcount for today I actually swore out loud I was so shocked.

I was doing a lot of delivering today, and that helped my general mood too, because I love walking around. I miss going on long waks and just, feeling relaxed and carefree. I put on an audiobook and just lost myself in the experience, and it’s been a long time since I could say as much. It matters, it matters more than just as exercise because it’s a form of freedom. It gets you space not only around you but inside your head, and I have been starved for that these past few months. Still feel shaky on some things, but on the whole, I feel stronger, less overwhelmed, and more optimistic. I hope this is a more permanent shift.

There is one thing that makes me feel a bit more sad though. Yesterday, Southend United were relegated from the Football League 2, and thus out of the professional leagues. I haven’t talked much about sport on here, but I’ve been following Southend since my dad first took me to see them on August 24th, 2002. Southend beat Oxford 1 – 0, a feat that sadly didn’t happen either times they played this season. It’s sad too because the idea that not all clubs survive that kind of relegation setback isn’t lost on me either, and I don’t want to lose that important part of my life. Trying to stay positive though. Focusing on the optimism best I can.