So I failed to wrote earlier. Woo. I knew in my heart I would but I’m still cross about it. There is no reason at 2pm I couldn’t have just, jumped into it. Why not? It’s not hard, or I wouldn’t have chained 858 days of it. It’s done now but yikes I really need to prioritise AM targets. If I get back to that I might have a shot at a workable routine outside work, and probably faster efficiency in work too.

On the bright side, I have been working through TUS and it’s nearly ready for some beta reading, which is going to I hope increase my confidence in that book. I still love TUS but as I write and learn more, the flaws in my first salvageable story become more stark. Fixable, but stark. I just hope that the red pen is all stuff that lifts it to match things like WHT in my confidence levels. But of course, WHT likely has as many gremlins lurking in its shadows…

I was nice to myself today. I’ve been uming and erring about buying a game for myself with huge nostalgic a value that of late I’ve had huge cravings to dive into again, and at last, I woke up, placed a click and collect order with CeX, and two hours later walked away holding my new Switch copy of Crash Bandicoot N’Sane Trilogy. And by God, I ended up raging so hard over the snow levels that it’s 5 hours since I stopped and I still have a headache. I love that game.

There’s an almost ambrosia quality to a good rage game. While my experience with drugs is pretty much limited to alcohol, I’ve found that there’s sheer bliss in how much a ragefest will utterly destroy your psyche and leave you feeling a lot less anxious about just about everything else. Who needs help with anxiety when you can short circuit your own brain by repeatedly crashing into totems on the back of a baby polar bear?

So I’ve decided to get a therapist. No not because of ^ that though, reading it back maybe slightly because of that. My logic is I need a little help putting myself back together after, well, everything, and I don’t want to have a repeat of Sussex where it takes like 5 years to move on. And truth be told, I only ever got so far on my own with my anxiety. I’ve started applying for freelance writing jobs at last but I could be doing so much more if I got my brain working. And well, I’m also miserable. I’ve been miserable for about, 13 years at this point so I should probably try to fix that.

TWO is ticking along steadily. With a little side project I did for a friend that I may continue in February I’ve hit about 49,000 words this month, which means that technically as of tomorrow’s target I’ll have pulled off an accidental NaNoWriMo without meaning to, albeit across two stories. Still it’s nice to know even if it’s 31 days that I’m capable of doing that. Not quite at the point where I can turn every month into NaNoWriMo but it’s a sign I’m a step closer, so, yay. Imma go pass out now.

It is difficult to tie up the loose ends of a house move in a pandemic. Big yikes, though I do look set to retain my deposit, and even make a bit on the furniture I’ve sold. That’ll help out the cause a lot, that being part house buying one day, and part hitherto and still shrouded in mystery here ‘future projects’. After this last week I am shattered and in need of some serious TLC.

Speaking of serious TLC, I did a super thorough edit of TSS today, and uploaded the entire thing as an ‘Example Novel’ to my UpWork profile. It’s still a work in progress but the extra income even taxed as a second job is – if I stick at it – going to help a lot. I guess I shall have to wait and see if I get any offers. TWO continues onwards in good health, and I should have it done and dusted by my 29th birthday. By my 30th there’s a chance I’ll be on the cusp of finishing the series.

Life is still all over the place and I need to write a lot earlier than this, but all in all, I’m not doing too bad. This was a horrible month, but one I feel better for having weathered. He says with two days to go…

God I’m so tired. I ended up making myself some food to get my energy up enough to finish target, and in my infinite wisdom, I chucked in a bunch of armogeddon chillis. That was a mistake because now I’m spaced out and I need to finish writing. Bleh. The one good thing is that I’m making good progress with TWO, and starting to feel it gel. It’ll still need an extensive rewrite but I’m enjoying this one.

I’m going to go write now but bluh, I need to sort my sleep out this weekend. And by that, I mean I need to write a Lot earlier. Wish me luck…

I said goodbye to the old flat today. It was a weird experience, one I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about given that’s where all of this began. I loved that flat, and lived there for just shy of 900 days. Now I move into a whole new chapter if my life, and I feel both ready for that challenge, and a bit nervous too. Most of all though, I’m just tired. It’s been a long month, and was pretty much 2020 month 13. But I feel, good. I came out the other side.

February will mark the 2 year anniversary of this blog, and I think I need to take a serious look at how I use this site going forwards. I’ll still blog, this is far too useful not to, but I’m going to need to remove all the WattPad links, and have a think about building a more professional portfolio. But all that to come, for now, sleep.

I have missed typing target so much it’s unreal. Again, I’m glad I typed TWO’s first draft, no ragrets as they say. Old meme but I’m an old fart so eh. The day has gone well, I’ve even done about 5,000 words of a comission for a friend. Sounds impressive but while I still strive for quality it’s always easier writing for someone else. Still it’s nice to be back at top form again, and to feel a lil more in control. Unfortunately I slept badly last night, so I really need to fix that tonight.

TWO is shaping up well and I’m pretty confident about the rewrite on the whole. The re-edit of TUS is going pretty smooth as well and I’m hoping to get my beta reader/first editor to get the red pen all over it soon. So all to play for, and a happy end to January. I just hope this is indicative of the year’s trajectory. Excuse me if I don’t hold my breath just yet.

I was rewarded for a productive weekend and early night with, five hours of sleep. I feel like death right now, not going to lie, and thankful for one of those rare times working from home works for me, because it’s easier to work when you’re ill when you’re used to doing it from home. No it’s not that, I’ve been shielded away, but I mean 5 hours sleep is rough. I feel a bit better now all my 1K tasks are fine, but I’m gonna go pass out now. Hopefully now now.

…or I could just finish TWO three hours after yesterday’s post. Been a while since I’ve had a 6K day. The only other day that I had that was the day I finished WAN, which matched it. 6,250 for WAN, 6,200 for TWO. The difference is the latter was by hand. Also screw WAN. So yeah today I typed 1,400 words of TWO, and I’m feeling this rewrite. I feel confident about this book now in a big way. And as if that weren’t enough, a dear friend gifted me a reading of TUS chapter 1 today. So yeah, I’m feeling good. On that note, goodnight.

80,000 words of TWO. It’s now less than 3.5 chapters from being done, and that’s an incredible feeling. If I don’t sprint to the finish, I’ll have it done by the 30th. If I do, it’ll be maybe as soon as January 27th. That’s insane to me, and, humbling too. There was a time I never thought I’d get to write this book, that the task of finishing the 7 before it was far too great. And yet, here I am, so close to a first draft.

6 books remain in the series after this, but TWO is a major moment that shapes the rest of the books and ultimately how the series ends. I can’t wait to share it with the world of my imaginary readers. And, if all goes according to plan, I will have a special way to do so all too soon.

So I finished copying all the up to date story content back from WattPad to Google Docs today. To be clear, for the immediate time being it can all stay on WattPad, I might even leave it there and update the first three books to match later iterations as I polish and pay for edits. But as of today, I’m done pushing for WattPad. I’m also leaving the writing servers, though calling them “writing” servers is a stretch. They were, pretty much useless, because no one seemed all that interested in well, writing.

Am I sad to be closing the door on this after almost two years? I mean yeah kinda, but I also never enjoyed it so much as I did in the first couple of months, and then found the whole friends experience a bit superficial after that. I’m a bit of a loner introvert as much as I try not to be, and that didn’t help either. So yeah, I’m leaving the banner up, but I’ll probably copy down the TSS chapters and short stories, hide the former and just, leave it there as is I guess. Maybe if I write short stories in future I’ll post them there. Who knows.

I’m being a little cryptic about my next steps, but to avoid keeping my beloved imaginary readers on tenterhooks no, I’m not negotiating a book deal. In fact if all this goes as planned, I may never do that. It’s going to be, interesting to see if this project sticks. I’m a bit nervous, but also excited. And moreover, I’m shattered. Catch you tomorrow my imaginaries.