August 29th, 2020 – 703

~ Sam Shuttleworth

I’m starting to slip again. I can feel it even as I manage to stabilise around the 11-Midnight range. This isn’t a great place to find myself mentally, and night after night of bad sleep is starting to cause some unsettling repercussions. It’s as if I’m walking a tightrope between stability and chaos, the wire all that keeps me from falling into an abyss worse than the chaos behind.

That all sounds pretty morbid, but I think I can put it in a less dramatic, more succinct way: I have choices to make and I don’t know what to do. I don’t like change and I’m only just recovering from the upheaval we’ve all been living through, one I took harder than most it seems. And I just want to not screw this up I guess.

Best I can do is keep working hard at work, on writing and on reconnecting with the people around me at a distance. I just hope the wire broadens to a more accommodating path soon.

Published by Sam Shuttleworth

I’m Sam, and I live to write. I spent most of the first 8 years of my adulthood trying to balance writing with a large amount of crap in my personal life, until towards the end of 2018 I threw everything out and started afresh with just my writing. I built the new me around one goal: I have to write at least 1,000 words a day. I called this goal 1K, and it changed my life. So long as I write a thousand words a day, the day is a success, and atop that I've managed over time to build the life I wanted all those years. My greatest flaws as a writer is I still use too many adjectives, adverbs, connectives as openers, accidental passive voice and I don't force my work down people's throats enough on pain of extreme and unusual torture. My greatest strength is I know my greatest flaws and I'm working on them.