It’s amazing how police sirens cause anxiety. I heard them just outside my window and it sent my spine on edge, for as far as I can tell no reason besides the worry of something happening outside the building. Ok, I am planning on going out for a walk almost right after this post, but it’s not as if I can hear anything now. In a way it’s gratifying, because it confirms at least for me what I’m hoping to convey in WAN – that innate dread that the Wanderer gives off is akin to that which even boring goody two shoes like me feel when we hear the police nearby. That when I came up with it years ago wasn’t quite the main headline topic it is today, and I do not know how to feel about that.
I managed to write a lot earlier today than yesterday, which is good because my annual leave starts at 5pm and it means this evening belongs to me alone. No idea what I’ll be up to but I imagine it’ll involve video games, which I’m starting to get back into in a big way, a situation I’m pretty chuffed about. I also put in my order for a VIP Booster this morning, and I’m picking up my custom made Cube box today too. So yeah this has been a good day. Productive too, as I got a lot unstuck at work that I’d had lingering for a while, as is tradition for the day before annual leave. Again, such a stereotype.
Anyway I’m going to do a bit more work now, and then go on my walk and go into email response mode. Here’s hoping nothing large lurches out of the darkness to unfoot me and see me working until the small hours. Again.
Ok so a bit later than yesterday, but I do have everything all done and wrapped up so I’ll be going straight to bed after writing this. Work wasn’t too bad today, but I think my fatigue is beginning to peak. Just one more day and then I have a nice stretch of holiday, a chance to take stock and regain a bit of control over things. I’m hoping by August 10th, I’ll have a tidy flat, an almost finished novel first draft which should be on the verge of the 70k mark, and a lot less tiredness.
Good news is I’m picking a cool new doohicky tomorrow; friend of mine is getting into 3D printing and he’s built me a cool insert for my Magic Cube box, and for a great price too. I’ll also be dropping a considerable amount more – not a fantastic price but still a cool product – for a VIP Booster of Double Masters. It’s not worth that price tag, but as of the 39 special cards you get two of, there’s only one I don’t want and one I kinda don’t want, it’s a pretty reasonable gamble I’ll get something I do; odds of 1 in 1,600 I get both, and by then it’s worth just the ‘what are the odds’ story. The odds are 1 in 1,600, kinda a short story.
Time to go pass out. Cya.
I’m having one of those ‘why is it I never try and publicise my blog’ dillemna moments. I’ve heard that a newsletter is the best way to reach your audience, and that building up a list of emails is the backbone of a successful literary career. Indeed, I know if I could say to a publisher that I have a mailing list of Xk readers who could become potential customers. that reduces the risk of them taking a punt on me. Of course that’s audacious; I’m not exactly fighting off the crowds yet with my work, but it should be a goal I have in mind.
So what’s that got to do with here? Well, besides my books themselves wherever I host them, this is my prome advertising space. I already intend to redesign the landing page so that it’s more of a portfolio of my work, once I have WHT up and I’ve done my detailed edit of my flagship trio of books. I’m also thinking of sticking them on Amazon once I have some updated covers that are more buyer friendly, which is going to be a costly investment. But when all that’s done, I’ll still be blogging every day, and this is my chance to show myself as human and, I hope, likeable.
Except, that’s not what this blog is for. If you’ve read the Action, Accountability & Reflection post I did on I believe day 500 of 1K, you’ll see I note that this blog’s main purpose is to signpost that on the previous day, and in most cases that day too, I have kept the chain of a thousand words every day up, minus the blog itself of course. It’s a functional habit building tool, not a marketing tool. Sure I wouldn’t mind if I woke up and 10,000 people read my blog – assuming it’s not because I’ve somehow offended Twitter – but going viral wouldn’t affect what I wrote on here.
Ok that’s a lie I’d spend like 10 days writing posts going ‘holy £$%@ I can’t believe that happened’, but in terms of how I write, and who I write here for – nobody bar myself – I wouldn’t change. But is that me being defiant for what I want, or squandering an oppotunity to speed up a writing career? There is a reason that this is far from my first dillemna on the subject, and I still don’t have the answer there…
So I haven’t slept since the last post. I did one of my resets again and, well you can see my the time of this post – including 1K being done minutes before – it kinda worked for phase one. Phase two will be if I’m well enough to function at work tomorrow, but I’m pretty certain I will be. I got close to ill from my ruined routine but it’s getting healed now.
WAN sits at 53,100 words. It’s bizarre for me to think this book is starting to bleed into actual existence after so long in my head, and both anxiety inducing to consider, and a relief to expunge. I only hope it’s a weight off my shoulders once complete rather than another rope. Again, cautious optimism.
I’d have liked to have switched off at 9pm but switching off at 10 is when I want to set the routine, so I guess today was a success. Eventually. Imma go crash now.
Another rough day…
I should consider moving my holiday around. I could move the Monday at the end to be this Friday instead, but it feels like stealing from future me even if only a tiny bit. I’ve resisted moving this holiday for so long now and it’s only a teeny week to get through, 4 more days, and my projects right now are far more meaty, easier to track and manage.
I have spotted today a curiosity that I could use however. A strange confluence of two dates that happens time and again as 1K progresses. Before, day 300 fell right around my birthday, but it falls on a family members birthday for day 700. Moreover, at my current benchmark and with my expected additional word count, plus a bump from some time off, I should finish WAN on that day too.
Having a benchmark to work towards helps a lot. I’ve also got a present in mi d that I’m hoping I haven’t left too late to out together. In the meantime, I’m going to focus on crashing. And by crashing I mean I still have some work tasks to do that I’d like to have wrapped before the next team meeting. Here’s hoping I sleep at least…
I’ve slipped into some bad habits in the last week. I think this stands testament to the need to take holiday AS I move, not two weeks afterwards. My stress levels have seen my calorie intake shoot up to an excess of some 4,000 calories total since the move, and my sleep schedule is a wreck right now. When you couple that with my latest issues with WAN, I’m left in a little bit of a pickle. It’s an age old problem: I’m starting to feel lost at the 50K mark. I can live with this story having difficult points, but I hate spending longer on it than I want to.
I want to start writing earlier in the day, and that just isn’t happening with my mood in the gutter like this. I want to get past this rut, but I have a sneaking feeling that the only true route is to get past this book. Sadly, I keep chaining low word count days; sure, 1K as a minimum means I will rarely ever need more than 3 months, but one month on this book was far too much as it was. Food as a mood lifter is, well I mentioned my catastrophic calorie surplus. Alcohol makes me write slower, coffee, well coffee helps a lot and I seem determined not to use the damn stuff. Maybe I should get one now.
One week, and then I can get some real rest. I kinda wish I’d spent today in bed, though spending it on GTA all day was not a whole lot more intensive. Or, maybe I’m looking at this all wrong and I need to get back into big exercise soon. So much to decide and not a lot of reserve willpower. I’m going to finish target now, and then I’ll sleep. Truth is, if I could just restore my sleep cycle to a 10pm – 8am window, with a half hour each side to slip in and out of rest, then I could fix all this other noise. Given it’s 9 to midnight as I write this, that’s a ways off…
Sorry about the short post yesterday. After a long and stressful week I just wanted to zone out on GTA and forget the world for a bit. That ended up working, but I was still doing so at 3am, so I’ve screwed up my internal clock. As such, I’m kind of not feeling too bad I will end up doing that again tonight. At least I can get an early night on Sunday.
Kinda want pizza. I’m overeating here and it’s a problem. I’ll have to correct for it soon or I’ll just put the weight back on. Guess that’s the next big conflict for me to overcome. But, I still want pizza…
Super tired, long day, just need to let off steam for a bit and forget about all the pressure. Sorry for the short and quite late-on post.
Ugh, I did a bad thing. I should have written hours ago, but I ended up on GTA V to blow off steam, and now I’m shattered and still haven’t written. I’m so exhausted right now and need a holiday so bad. The good news is I have 6 days of work until I have a holiday, but the bad news is, I’m close to not functioning. I’m going to sleep through Saturday that’s for sure, but in the meantime I have to get through tomorrow, and before that, I need to get through tonight.
I’m starting to feel unwell. Not covid-19 unwell, but I am familiar with this sensation. It’s post-General Election nausea. I just don’t know. I’m going to go write, and then here’s hoping tomorrow ends up quieter than today. And yesterday. And the day bef- basically this week has been chaotic. I mean, at least I’m proving my worth. At the cost of my health…
Today was the first time in half a year I’ve visited my mum’s for the evening. It’s been, difficult to do that for a long time, even before the end of the world 1.0. Life can get hectic and messy, so it was nice to break the chain. With luck, this should be a sign of things to come, and I hope signals many more evenings in similar style, with greater frequency too. I’m exhausted from a long intense day, but despite that, I feel pretty great right now. A good day with a great ending.
It, probably helps that I haven’t started writing The Wanderer for the day. 1K is slipping back to the dead-hours of the day again and I do not like it. I want to get back to AM writing, where I can follow my ideal day plan, switching off at 6pm and not ending with me in a sleep-derped stupor at 1am trying to pass 1,000 words in psudeo-English. The first draft is supposed to be bad, but some kind of coherence would be nice. I guess I better get back to it now, but man, I cannot wait for this wretched book to be done.