June 30th, 2020 – 643 – Day one-hundred-and-six

Today was intense from the word go. My PC tower sputtered and died first thing, a source of more than a little panic as it is my main entertainment centre, but also because I was meant to be joining our team meeting and it’s by far the best machine for that. My work laptop comes a close second, but fell on its face when it turned out to have uninstalled the Microsoft Teams application. I still made it on time thanks to the mobile app, but that was a stress I did not need all told. Thankfully as always the meeting itself was pleasant; I really am lucky to be part of such a good team, even if I have a pinch of impostor syndrome.

I got through a lot of tasks, had Liquid’s stream on in the background which helped keep my spirits up, and then as it’s payday and I’ve decided I need a money leeching tradition for payday I decided to get take out, even though it’s Tuesday. Why not celebrate Tuesday? Was a good Tuesday, and heck it’s not as if I crave the weekends all that much, I enjoy what I do for work. So I kicked back, chucked the Simpsons Movie on Disney+ and put all thought of still needing to write the Wanderer out of mind.

And then I wrote the Wanderer and my mood took a dive. I’m not sure if it’s better to write early and have the cloud of smog over my head the whole day, or do it late and then struggle to sleep. What’s funny is nothing remotely bad has happened in the last three days of writing, but the foreshadowing is enough to get my head going. Doesn’t help that I am a bit groggy at the moment from poor sleep as it is. Pretty sure I need my ears syringed when this clustercluck is over, and I’m not sure besides olive oil in my ear what to really do in the meantime.

See, ^ that’s how little I want to talk about this book; I can’t even stay on topic for one paragraph and started rambling about earwax in a desperate bid to change the darn subject. The more I write, the more I think I should make it a ‘read on request’ story, and then just be really slow about getting back to people. I’m also a little anxious having written this book will be enough to close more than a few doors down the line. It’s going to – if it gains any attention – be one of those ‘this book shouldn’t be stocked/is messed up/has no merit/means you should boycott the author’ kind of works. And yet, I think I’d be being dishonest as a writer if I didn’t share it.

I need to write a happy book after this. Perhaps my ‘AmExit 2016’ idea will at last get a chance to shine. Guess we’ll see.