June 6th, 2020 – 619 – Day eighty-two

For maybe the first time since the lockdown began for me, I feel I’m catching up. I am pretty weak when it comes to stress, and it grinds me down a lot worse than most people. That’s a defect I have to figure out how to overcome, because I don’t want to make it other people’s problem. It’s a shame that even as I manage to stabilise the rest of the world seems to be falling into pure chaos. Some of that like BLM is justified and a long time coming, and you have to hope might lead to some actual change for the forgotten people in society. Some of the messes in the world right now make having any kind of hope feel a little foolish.

Apologies for the political bent on that first paragraph, but it felt callous to stick to my usual apolitical tone at a time like this. On writing TFS is now my fourth longest novel of the series, and I imagine will in the next week reach the top three. I think the rewrite will see it fall around the 87K mark as I add some things and take others away. It is by far my rawest story and needs a lot more direction adjustment, but I do see now that writing like this opens a lot more depth than the traditional planning route. Even so, I’m glad I won’t be premiering it any time soon. It is not ready for the spotlight, or even daylight.

Having my bullet journal back is such a weight off my shoulders. It’s like having a whole other room in my brain I can lay things out in and study my thoughts with impartiality. I’ve even managed to work out the exact calorie intake I should aim for given how I react to more/less food in ratio to exercise. For the curious, that works out to 2,000 calories, rather than the normal recommendation of 2,500. I’ll maintain that until at least the end of July and then consider matching my expended energy. That latter figure is about to go up quite a bit of course, as I got the good news today I’ve been counting down to for months.

My WaterRower arrives on Monday.