June 2nd, 2020 – 615 – Day seventy-eight

This blog is great at holding me to account, but not so good at speaking my mind. The internet is written in ink my imaginary readers, and you have to be sure you want to commit something before you write it because, one day, someone could uncover it. Suffice to say, I’ve hit my lowest mental point in seven years, and I don’t know what to do. I’d go into detail, but as I’ve implied above, that’s not a great idea. I am in a dark place right now.

Which, in a way should also come across as a positive. That might sound crazy, and I guess it kinda is, but if I can feel this devoid of hope and control of my life and choices, and still power out a thousand words of content, what exactly can stop me? If I applied this kind of dedication to honing my stories for publication, making the needed edits now and not at some point when I have the time over the horizon, I’d be published by the end of the year. Or, scheduled to be anyway.

Right now getting published is the last thing on my mind. I just want to get through this with my mind in tact and regain my solitude. I got so close.