May 28th, 2020 – 610 – Day seventy-three

Today was a rough one. I’m knackered, and my head has been throbbing for a good 4 and a bit hours now. I think it’s dehydration, I am not drinking enough water at the moment. I also ended up in a heated debate tonight, which was purely interlectual in nature. Problem is, I despise debate. I understand the need for free discussion of ideas but there is little that stresses me out and winds me up more. There is a reason I’m not following in my family’s political footsteps.

So yeah, two mistakes, both my own fault – it’s not hard to remember a water bottle or disengage from a discussion. Problem is now, I know I will be ill this weekend. When I get this kind of double whammy it knocks me out of commission. It’s so frustrating that it takes so little to burn me out, but what can you do. Here’s hoping I figure out a fix for it. Or you know, stop putting myself in positions where I drain myself for something pointless.

I want to down some painkillers but I have a similar policy to them as I do to alcohol – not until target. The first draft may suit being treated as mud – both in taste and sculpting potential – but there’s no reason to make it worse. I mean, drunk writing has its charm, and I would love to live stream drunk writing if I ever have an audience, but I’ll never have an audience if I don’t focus on improvement. Hard to focus on anything when you’re off on painkillers.

As implied, I’ve not finished target yet today. It’s annoying that it keeps ending up so late, but I’m so busy round the clock at the moment that it’s not really a suprise. I could force it out earlier in the day, but ‘forcing’ target at all is a bit like the problem above. It is worth saying though I can barely see through this headache and keep missing the keys, so I may still cave on that point. But forcing it where that’s avoidable defeats the point in a way.

I was thinking of doing some work on a small idea I’ve been toying with for this website, but I’ve been a mess more or less since getting back from my walk today and used what energy I had for work. No regrets there with payday tomorrow. Realistically it’s more the weekend I’m focused on now, even though I’ll likely be working through it again. Just have to remember this isn’t forever. Just feels like it.