May 4th, 2020 – 586 – Day forty-nine

I, had a bad night last night. Stress had been a bit of an issue of late, in no small part because this is all such a shift in routine for me. As it was, I have been struggling to find my groove, and have acknowledged this. Well, after trying to sleep at 10pm, giving up at ten to 1am, eating half a tube of digestives, and then smashing the rest of the tube all over the bed, I’m willing to admit I may be a teeny bit more stressed than I realised. Just a lil. But now that the elephant has well and truly tooted, I can’t ignore it anymore.

I started today between work jobs getting my bedroom sorted. I did not realise how much my living space had been allowed to deteriorate, but then I was blinded by unacknowledged stress so, no kidding. It’s amazing what you’ll ignore when the pot is boiling over and on fire, especially when using all your willpower to ignore that. With all the detritus and leftover biscuit evidence removed, I managed to make the space much more homely, and with a bit more fresh air, it’s working much better for me now.

I have also made a compromise in my favour on my duty of care, in that I am not watching TV in the evenings anymore. I don’t mind the occasional bit of TV, but I was watching as much as I watch in an average week every single night. That was such a bad shock to my system, not helped because I find watching the news sickening. I get my news online and in written form because it’s easier to cross-check it. TV chucks it all at you with a water cannon and uses brand names to stamp what they say as authentic. Sure online outlets do that too, but it’s easier to pause and open a tab to check.

In TFS world, I feel like I’m starting to find this novel’s voice at last. I’ll need to go back and make changes to make said direction work, but the logline ‘Young impetuous journalist hiding the demons of her past faces up to all too real ones in her present’ has expanded to realising when you need to open up, discovering what you’re made of as a person and reading between the lines. The latter one is a meta and in-story theme and I would love to be able to nail that if nothing else. So all told, I’m pretty pleased so far. Guess I need to keep working on keeping my own demon at bay.