April 26th, 2020 – 578 – Day forty-one

I really need to exercise more. I had that nailed before this mess, a walk every day, healthy diet with extra exercise instead of comfort eating. I’m not moaning, it’s my choice that I stay indoors and don’t take advantage of the one walk a day allowance because I don’t want to put m grandparents at any added risk, but my head is not screwed on right anymore. The stress is taking its toll and I don’t have many outlets for it. Doesn’t help that it’s got me falling behind on the new bloc of emails.

I am one of those people who works best when my ‘work’ environment isn’t in the same building I sleep and relax in, so lockdown has been hard enough as it is without also losing my exercise, control of my schedule, privacy and flat, social life and plans. I’ll adapt, I always do, but I could really use a holiday. I keep getting told ‘not to bother’, by people who I don’t think quite realise I am never allowed to switch off from my job. Still, I’m lucky said job doesn’t put me in harm’s way, or that I still have a job at all. In that sense, I am biblically lucky.

I’m exhausted, and at some point working round the clock is going to tank my heath a lot further. I need rest, and it’s not possible when I end up answering emails over the weekend. Even then I haven’t managed to reply to all of them. I’m probably going to bite the bullet and stay up until 3am working, again. The fear of losing my job is greater than the fear of losing my health, not least as I think the latter is a lost cause at this point. And have you noticed how I haven’t even talked about writing? It’s Sunday, and this whole post was about work. Just imagine Monday…