March 3rd, 2020 – 524

I find it amusing that I work so much faster when I am ‘in work’ and at glacial speed when I have all the time in the world to work. Granted I end up writing before work on weekdays, but the knowledge that order will be there is enough. I wish I was able to convince myself that home had the same bounds. As I talked about in my Action, Reflection, Accountability article a month ago, I do have a bit of this. I know that it looks less good to hit publish on this at 6pm than 11am. But it’s not the doing of the action that I’m hung up on. It’s the swing, or the flow, or whatever buzzword you want to use for it. ‘Mind like water’ is one of those phrases that garners eye rolls when it’s said in polite company, but it’s how I feel at work. Why can’t I manage that at home?

For once, I know the answer to that question: home is a relaxed environment. That’s not to say I’m stressed out all the time at work. I doubt I’d love my job so much if that were the case. But when I am at home, there are no ‘time criitcal projects’. There is no ‘team meeting’ to prepare for. There aren’t even coworkers who I need to project a professional image to. There’s only me, and the cacti. Cacti don’t care if you decide to play video games instead of working, even if I do care. Most days I will write before I do any leisure activity, besides walking. But at work, I wouldn’t even need to think to pull that off. I’d never play video games or laze around at work.

Ok, so there is a big neon counter argument incoming: that’s what home is for. I’m not denying that, but I have to write anyway. The sooner I do it, the sooner I can get on with other stuff. On a weekday, that’s actual work. On a weekend it’s anything but. It could be I need to start ordering my leisure in the way I order my workload, but that risks a bit of the old Rain Man me breaking out. Then again, is that such a bad thing? I can be as weird as I darn well want at home. The bigger problem might be the effort involved in setting that up. It took years to get work to where it is right now, so I won’t transform home life overnight. One to think on in the background today. There has to be a way to make weekends work.

You shouldn’t dread the weekend. If nothing else, I want that to change.