February 28th, 2020 – 520

Keeping this short because, my brain isn’t working so well. I haven’t written a single word this morning, so I guess it’s going to be a tight lunch break today. That isn’t so bad, I work well under pressure in all areas of life. The real issue is why I didn’t write, because the answer is I don’t know. My best guess is my 5 hours sleep a few nights ago is a defecit I’m still working through, but even that seems wrong. It could be that I’m in the middle of a depressive spike – an odd term. I always call them that even though spike implies ‘up’. No real reason, except that I’m bad at metaphors. Except I’m not. Yeah you see how all over the place my brain is today?

In days gone by I would get through days like this at work by picking the most drudging tasks I could and doing them all at once. That sounds crazy until you consider: it’s not like I can get much lower. Why not tackle the nasty stuff in one go when I’m almost nonfunctional. When I write that out, it sounds crazier than I thought it would. Problem is I am on top of my workload so I don’t have a ton of jobs I’ve ‘put off’. I have tasks I need to get done today, but they’re all quite simple and straightforward, ideal for my mind wandering even lower. It would almost be good if a task exploded out of nowhere. Almost.

I am at least going to Mana tonight. Having something to look forward to counts for a lot right now. But without target already in the bag today already feels out of order, and I’m nervous about no target by 5pm. If that happens, I am not going to have a good evening. I may even face another 5 hour night, or worse. My head is not where I want it to be. But that’s obvious: almost none of this post is about writing. That is never a great sign…