February 25th, 2020 – 517

I am not writing well at the moment. The last three or four days of WHT have been mediocre. I keep having to tell myself that it’s ok for the words to not come out perfect the first time. Heck even a rewrite isn’t supposed to nail the words. But the problem I have at the moment is the whole scene is off. I may have to redo the entire thing down the line, and that makes me feel like I’m wasting my days. I’m feeling a bit bettter afterwards when I get to work and have a bit more guranteed order. Even so, I can’t get this angst out of my mind, even when lost in work.

I did a bit more of Clockspinning after work yesterday, and that helped lift my mood, but I seem to be in a bit of a dip in general. That might be all this is, but I do not like waivering consistancy in quality. Yes it’s to be expected and yes I can catch it later, but it doesn’t make it feel any better. I try and put it out of mind by focusing on the tasks at work that I can do to a high standard because they have ridgid methods. There is a right way and a wrong way here, and it’s much easier to pick it out. Off work, my writing enters – at the moment at least – a grey area of uncertainty. 

I’m going to put it out of mind best I can for the rest of today, and lay off the Clockspinning too. Yes that’s rewarding to work on but I need to make sure I’m not burning myself out. I am far too tired for my current routine, where I am getting enough sleep, exercise and food. Something is going wrong and I need to figure out what it is. But while I can beat my head against this virtual brick wall for an age trying to figure it out, it won’t do any good. I’ll end up with a headache if I do it too much.