January 22nd, 2020 – 483

So I looked up writing competitions yesterday. I know that’s a bit out of nowhere, and it was for me too if I’m honest. I’ve started listening to Stephen King’s On Writing, a book I’ve wanted to devour for a long time now. After getting through most of it yesterday, I now have a burning urge to do a 180 and start chasing for agents again. Yes that’s a much more uphill battle but why aim small? This feels, weird to write about because it goes against my usual ‘write because I want to/may turn into career one day’ approach.

A lot of why I avoided this route in the past has to do with my discomfort at the idea of agent schmoozing. It is for all intents and purposes job hunting, and I do not like job hunting. It doesn’t matter if my back is against the wall or I’m perusing to see what else is out there at my own pace, I hate it. And, well that’s super immature of me. I’m throwing away potential oppotunities because of my anxiety and insecurities. That makes no sense whatsoever, and I need to cut it out. Self esteem is a part of it too, but how else am I going to build that?

Work is going well, and I should stress none of this comes from a desire to stop doing what I’m doing. On the contray, I imagine I’ll keep working at the college no matter what happens with my writing, because I enjoy what I do. Why would I stop? That’s a good thing because I stand next to no chance of making a living off of writing any time soon. But I stand zero chance at all if I don’t start taking the oppotunities out there in the world. I have to stop holding myself back for no reason and get on with this career.

I’ll be sticking VOL’s next chapter up a bit later today. That’s the other reason I’m apprehensive about a publishing deal: I like giving stuff away for free. Asking people to fork over cash or they can’t read my stuff rubs me up the wrong way. I like the idea of the Patreon route or similer, where people can donate, and those who can’t get to enjoy the works anyway. Yes nobody is reading at the moment, but I’m talking about down the line. These are all branching pathways, and I have to live with whichever I choose. It;s not a decision I take lightly.