December 17th, 2019 – 447

Fingers crossed, my various health ailments were a false alarm. I was all queued up to call the doctors this morning, but waking up at 7am I felt, pretty good to be honest. Whether I will relapse back into more back pain later or not I’ve no idea, but here’s hoping not. Aside from that, I am doing alright. I managed to hit target by 10:30 yesterday evening so I even got an ok sleep. It should have been a great sleep, but I stayed up playing on CubeCobra until about quarter past eleven. 

I wish the inside of my head today could be the same level of tranquil. I’m having a pretty bad bout of melancholy. It’s spun between guilt and grief at certain and specific memories, hard to quantify. It’s funny, because as much as melancholy messes with my head, it’s also the state in which I am most at peace. There’s a calm, and yes in spite of what I put above, tranquil familiarity to being here. It’s a painful place, but soothing in the clarity of mind I find at times like this. It’s no coincidence that I respond well to constant reminders of my past mistakes. 

This is a time of year that often sees me slip into a state like this. When I was rudderless, disorganised and lost, it led me to spiral. In my directed and curated new normal, it’s like being in a trance or medatative state. I find myself in a controlled and pensive state. I think this is what you’re meant to feel when those memories arise. It’s still new to me being stable enough to handle them. All the same, I hope it does pass soon.

December 16th, 2019 – 446

Ok I may have messed up. Not 1K, no nothing so important. No, I may have screwed up my back because I am in agony today. It seems that I’ve pulled, bruised or torn something, and I’ve lost quite a lot of feeling in my left arm as a result. Also when the pain spikes, I start to feel woozy or light headed. So yeah no biggie. 

Ok I’m being facetious. I would hope that was obvious of course, but I’ll admit I’ve brushed off worse. I have to decide now whether I should go to A&E or not. On the plus side, it’s not a long walk. I work right next to the hospital, so if anything I have no excuse not to go. No excuse that is, until you consider waiting times. I don’t want to spend that long away from my desk. Also, I don’t want to get signed off work over this, and aside from painkillers I don’t see what else going there would do.

TSS is now at 63,000 words, and based on my current plan I’d say the final script is between 80K and 90K. I’ll write it to the former, then once I’ve typed up WHT return to it to get the polish right. That will either see it rise to 90K, or I’ll cut it to 75K – my usual floor. On my current pace, I should hit 80K by the 31st. 

Also, I decided to cut myself some slack: I will upload two chapters on Wednesday, not three. By shunting the whole schedule, I now don’t have a gap that I was planning to fill with A Planet Named George. That means I can write that at my own pace when I want to, and don’t have to rush it out over the holidays.

Right, I need some lunch, and then, well I’ll get through today. If I’m feeling like I’m going to pass out, I’ll take a detour on the way home to the DGH. Wish me luck.

December 14th, 2019 – 444

I only just clocked that day 450 is going to be coming up really soon. That’s a really weird thought, not because it’s a big number though it is, but because that means this “TSS Streak” has lasted for over a 10th of 1K. That’s insane, and I’ve got to wonder what that means going forwards. I’m not hung up on breaking the streak, but is this really the new normal?

What’s fascinating is if I write TSS today – about to – and tomorrow, that becomes a 9th of 1K. I was happy with a 70% efficiancy rating and here I am with 50 days of 100%. I doubt it’ll last all the way to the new year, but it doesn’t need to to be truly mind-blowing. It’s helped so much with the stress at the end of this year filled with change.

That all said, I’m super knackered, so I better get right to it if I’m going to get a decent night’s sleep.

December 13th, 2019 – 443

Goes to show how stressful polling day is that I forgot to hit publish on that last post after writing it. Not going to dwell too long on that, my suspicion was accurate, it’s sad but not unexpected. One of those things we need to put right when we can. But hey, that’s the nature of democracy. I have my strong disagreements with several of its tenants, but I believe in the need for it, and feel you have to show it respect especially when it comes to a result you don’t like. It wasn’t like if I’d gotten the outcome I wanted for the town my grievances with the system would be any less.

On writing, I still, somehow, wrote TSS yesterday. This whilst – oh yeah small thing, I may have fractured my arm. Probably not but I’m keeping an eye on it. If I type whilst keeping it as rigid as possible for now that avoids the pain, so I think it’s more a bruise or sprain. Still, bit crunchier in the noises it’s making than I usually like my bones to be. As you might expect from the lateness of this post, I slept in. Well, I slept at 7am until 2:30pm, so seven and a half hours, which isn’t fantastic, but I spent the day resting up. That means I still need to write.

Honestly, I thought I would fail to write TSS yesterday, or even write one of those long rambling Google Docs of my thoughts I used to do before writing long rambling blog posts. To be fair, this doesn’t count towards target; those old ones did, hence my distaste. I will write TSS now, but I think it’ll be lacing 1K into existing chapters. The scene I need to write is intense and important, and I want to be more awake to tackle it. Who knows though, I might change my mind when I open the doc. Wish me luck, and sorry about not hitting ‘publish’. I know it’s rare that happens and you, my dear imaginary readers, are, well imaginary. It’s about integrity though.

December 12th, 2019 – 442

I’ll keep this short, because you might have noticed I make a point of not politicising my blog, and as you can imagine I have a lot of work today. Still haven’t written my thousand words, but I will do so nearer to 9, as by then what will be will be. I have a hunch how this is going to turn out, and feeling more in control by having that helps.