September 2nd, 2019 – 341

Sorry for the later post, I’ve been in a foul mood all day and I wanted to wait for it to pass before I wrote anything. Now it’s quarter to 3 and I’m no less sour and have a fraction of the time left today to work in. Greeeeeeeat. I’m not sure why I’m so angry at all things around me today, but it’s been a bit of a dicey experience what with enrolling students and interacting with various people whilst trying to shoot daggers without even meaning to. Hate it when I get like this, not least because it’s rare that there is a reason beyond being tired, and it’s not like I can do a whole lot about that.

The last few days I have produced little of VOL’s content, which means I have eaten a fair chunk of my buffer. I will try to write some more today, but even as I write that I can feel my inner voice groaning. In the past feeling like this hasn’t proved a problem: I book a day of holiday and then I feel fine. But holiday embargo. What a stupid idea I feel the need to say yet again, even if I understand the logic. But hey, not long now, and I can’t really blame the college, it makes sense on paper. Just means I’m having a wretched time of things.

On the plus side, my holiday as of today is reset, so I can start looking to booking a few days. Imma start with three, that being the 13th, 16th and 27th of September. That turns the next three weeks after this one into 4 day weeks, and includes one 4 day weekend. It also means that I have 1Y1K booked off, which is important to me. That is a day I want to celebrate all things writing, not be stressed and on edge. I’m hoping by then I won’t be on edge anyway but who knows right now.

I wish I had written this blog sooner. I know that doing this kind of cathartic writing helps me, and doing it somewhere visible to the public means I have to keep my anger in check, so I get a chance to let off steam without saying anything stupid and thus indulging my frustrations too much. Given how much I’ve seen anger drive most writers I talk to, I’m surprised more don’t view a blog as vital for that reason alone. Screw getting followers, getting mental space is why I write this.

Taking a step away from “Screw getting followers” to safer ground, I finally cleared my Trello queue of books to review, and it got me a small handful of votes. Of course I’m doing this with the ultimate goal of more followers and votes so I shouldn’t be surprised when that happens, but to be blunt, I needed that today. I needed it bad. I’m not driven by a need for constant praise, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate it a lot when I feel pretty awful.

I should have called in sick today, and I know that and it pains me. I know that if I am like this it’s a bad idea for me to be, around, people sorry one second…

Oh. Ok that’s interesting. Um, so if you go on WattPad, and you search by rising under the #Wattys2019 I’m 57th. Under new I’m 37th. In Sci-fi in general, under new I’m 4th.

For Sci-Fi tagged with #Wattys2019, under new, I’m 1st. The first book that pops up. Those last two, that’s some serious leverage. Like, damn.

Ok now I feel a little better.