August 25th, 2019 – 333

Can’t focus, just a ball of frustration at the moment. However I’ve now done 2 poor entries in a row so let’s not make it three. While no one really reads this thing it’s about integrity, and it’s bad enough I had a post midnight entry, let alone two stubs.

There’s no real reason for me to be stressed. Not having internet has become more of an issue now I’m more active online, and I need to budget for some internet now. I’ll figure that out soon but not right now, I don’t need that added stress.

Tomorrow isn’t a work day, but I think I should write a non VOL piece tonight to break the chain. The stress of That work isn’t so good for me. I’m far more efficient but I’m on a hair trigger at all times and I do not like that.

This isn’t a long entry, but I wanted to give some context. I’ll try and rest up tomorrow too and with luck I’ll be a bit more in control of myself soon.

August 22nd, 2019 – 330

I’m on 6 hours sleep as I had to go into work early again. The good news is no more of that will happen for a long time now. This was also the last of the time in lieu I needed to bank, so we’re all square once again. The bad news is I am exhausted and good luck getting any more work done today. It’s a good thing I’m so far ahead of schedule.

I’m a little peeved that my sleep schedule got torpedoed time and time again over this month. But I have plans to square that debt, all in in good time. For now I will concerntrate on keeping my tasks afloat and getting through to Friday. I would do my usual “book holiday on the Friday of a bank holiday weekend” trick, but no one is able to book holiday. 

Even though I’m feeling frustrated and a teeny bit vindictive, I’m in control of all the strands of my life. That’s true at least for the time being, and touch wood I’m pretty sure we’re climbing out of the crater now, not falling. The enrolment period will test that in a multitude of ways, but there’s no huge causes for concern yet.

I wrote another 1K of VOL last night; for now it’s proving a simple exercise. How long I’ll keep this streak going for god only knows, but I have to write in the moment, not fret about the future too much. I can at least gurantee that I have all my content to upload ready to go minus last minute tweaks right up to Christmas.

I need to start planning Christmas gifts on that note. That sounds super organised, but that does not gurantee I’ll have presents sorted soon. I’ve been trying to plan mum’s birthday present for months and I still haven’t found the right gift. This is something I get far too hung up on, but I do like to get it right. Not like with writing where I can redraft it later.

Got to survive two and three quarter hours and I can rest. I don’t have a ‘quiet’ evening, but it will be a tad less stress inducing. At least I have this blog to help organise my thoughts in. Funny in a way, as even though it’s a ‘break time’ thing, it’s one of the most impotant tools I have for focus and control of my work. Who knows, maybe someone will read it one day too.

August 21st, 2019 – 329

Keep chaining 7 hour nights this week, less than ideal. It’s not the worst chain I’ve ever had, but I did notice a quirk when reviewing my data for the last month. I have not managed to fall asleep before 11PM once since the end of July. That is, less than ideal. It also matches in perfection with another certain event. Put this way: since starting the WattCafe Minecraft server, I haven’t slept before 11 once.

Do I need a stricter curfew? So far as I can see, that is the only option at this point. If I could do my writing before the evening I’d be able to sleep much sooner. That’s easy to say, harder to implement. I do this blog in a quick 10-minute session near the start of the day. Then I use my lunch break as downtime, though only about 15 minutes. That leaves a slither of time I could appropriate to write, but I get engrossed in work and forget.

VOL is going well. A lot of the writing in the last few days has been brand new content. I knew I was not happy with this chapter when I wrote it first, and you can see that by scrolling back to the start of this blog. That would be a neat activity for you to try if you weren’t figments of my imagination, but hey ho. I’m sure you still appreciate my foresight.

I keep having evenings where I say to myself “heck yes, I can do 5k tomorrow!” and then I wake up and I’m dead. I do not cave and let myself write late into the night, but man do I wish I did. Heck, I do that with Minecraft. Thing is I shouldn’t do that for anything, as much as I crave to complete VOL and jump into TSS full time. I need to start focusing on my health in the same way I do on my writing again.

One week until Hamilton. I’m glad I’m not trying to finish VOL’s typed draft before then. It’s a day I can look forward to and not overthink, which is how it should be. Slow and steady, the finish line is in sight. For now, that’s September 17th. Or, whenever it is ready.

August 20th, 2019 – 328

Touch wood, am back in control. The last four months have been, unpleasent to say the least. I have not had my act together and to be honest, it’s showed. WHT still got to 100% in less than three months work. But my writing has time and again since the 1K project began proved the exception, not the rule.

That’s not to say I don’t have other parts of my life together. My finances are in incredible shape, my publicity work might be off at the moment, but it used to be non-existant. My appearence is doing well, and my mental health is far above the extreme lows that for a decade proved the norm. I’m not quite as willing to accept base rates as I was a year ago though.

In 37 days, 1K turns 1 year old. In that time I have written two books, may have one typed up in full, and have a growing online profile. My writing career is taking off, even if – ok I looked at the double f again *shudder* why does it look like that? It’s so gross. Sorry, ignore me. Well, ignore that, keep reading.

Ahem, my writing career is taking off, even if unpaid right now. The trick now is to use that to lift all ships. I’ve done a great job of that so far, but I need to redo some of the little victories that have slipped in recent times. I also need to figure out how to make my baseline a lot more stable, so that I can climb above base rate. Can’t run before I can walk.

As I predicted while writing it, I’m doing a lot of the current chapter of VOL from scratch. That’s ok. The story is a trippy one, so even a small tweak involves reworking huge chunks of how the multiverse works. There’s a reason after consolidating all my stories into one series VOL became a priority. The layer the characters sit on is the most complex for several reasons that are too spoilery to share.

Right, back to work. 

August 19th, 2019 – 327

Despite a weekend that pushed my mental faculties to the limit, I am fine. It’s rather embarassing when you consider how little happened how stressed I got. But then again, it’s not what happened over the weekend. No, it’s the stress that I’ve accumilated for weeks now without any real attempt at defusing. I want to figure this out, but I’m a little stuck in the middle of events.

Enrolment begins at the college this week. I have most of what I need in place for it, but I need to get my head on straight if I don’t want to burn out in the first few days. I’m closer to that point than I would like to admit, to the point typing this blog entry is taking more work than it should. That doesn’t bode well for typing VOL, and only gets worse when you consider what I’m typing.

The current chapter of the story is the one I am the least happy with. It’s a complex one to get right, as it’s a different take on the featureless room like the first chapters. The actual events are in theory the most spectacular of the book, but the trick will be capturing that. A lot of the character’s actions are passive, and I need to ensure the dramatic tension stays ratcheted up.

I checked our online markbooks today. As it stands, I am the only participant on the writing course. I hope that more people sign up, I do not want to lose that as a thing to look forward to. This is not least because if all goes well, I will make the day of the course starting the deadline for VOL’s type up.

A lot going on in my head this week. I need to dwell on options and outcomes less, and focus more on not drowning. Being able to breathe is good.