August 18th, 2019 – 326

My mental health suffered this weekend. Today I consumed three times my daily calorie allowance. That was from a mixture of stress and trying to avoid smashing things, so to be honest it’s for the best this way round. Still I’m not gonna lie, today has been a mess, and I may book a week off in the new holiday allowance period to get away.
Except, that’s the rub. It doesn’t take much observance to look over these entries and spot a pattern. Even without my private diary – more or less this, with more expletives – it’s hard to ignore the obvious finding. I get super stressed out by weekends. The reason is simple: I became obsessed with playing Minecraft. I have an obsessive personality, and once again it’s lowered my quality of life.
The other day, I did put on a 2 hour timer and limited my playing to that. But to be honest, I need a few days away from it to get my head on straight again. This is a great analogy for writing to be honest. I used to write in the same manic all day bursts, until my stress levels broke me. I’m not even enjoying the game anymore, and that when it came to writing led to long breaks.
Taking a break from a game means I have to find other sources of downtime. Doing the same from writing set my work back years. Ok, sure my work had time to improve, and I’m glad I found 1K when it reached a high quality, but still. While yes I am super stressed out, I’m grateful that I never have to feel this way about writing.
I’m annoyed I wasted my weekend upsetting myself like this. It’s going to be a long and grueling week and I needed this time off bad. Flat isn’t as tidy as it could be, and I need to do some clothes washing tonight as I’ve kicked that down the road a bit much. This is the stuff that suffers when my obsessions latch on. I’ve never managed to control them, except for 1K.
Applying everything in moderation to my life as a whole would do me a world of good, but that’s a ways off. I’m shattered, but once I’ve done my writing I’ll sleep and recoup best I can. Won’t lie, if I ever do manage to go full time with my writing, I do worry a little it about the loss of work as an anchor point. I do not want to slip back into the days of old.