June 27th, 2019

Another life down. In a way, this one was inevitable in retrospect. The scene that would have come next in the story had a whole lot of elements that fed into the wider story, but in retrospect, it was not entertaining enough to include. That hurts a little, but you know what they say, kill your darlings. I don’t really have pride of authorship so when I need to cut something I just do it, but I hope this doesn’t take away from the heart of the story too much.

I am in a bad cycle at the moment of late nights and tired days. What I worked out before was that I needed to just force out some words of anything to get back on track. If it weren’t for last night I would brace myself and just go from 8 to 7 lives. Having now done that and gotten a poor night, I am not sure what I need to do now. Best I can think to try is taking my break in the library and forcing out the next scene.

When I write, I feel like there is a hidden charge meter in my head for my creativity. If I do some writing, I deplete it a bit, and then I restore it by getting rest. It gets depleted if I spend too long not writing too. That’s why if I chain three or so days of not doing main story, it can easily then slip into a week without me giving it much thought. If I am not careful just one of those weak points would break my deadline.

I need to get out of the habit of needing to feel a level of passion for a story to work on it. I used to be much worse with that of course, and wouldn’t write a single word for months because I did not feel right. Having now learned that I can create that feeling of “right” with persistence, I now get frustrated when I get similar emotional responses to my work, and want to just “write”. But here I go whining again.

Speaking of having a good moan, I hope that I can actually get some rest this weekend. I am isolating Saturday as a “just for me” day best I can. The painful part of that is I haven’t been to visit my family for weeks, and I might get a Saturday invite. But I can’t help that I have had most of my free time forcibly removed for weeks. I have to be selfish and take my me time by force at any cost.

Overly dramatic? Maybe. Called for? Well I was on eight lives yesterday, you tell me.