June 6th, 2019

It’s 11:30, and I am knackered. Not early morning tired, not underfed woozy, just knackered. I had hoped to get a much earlier night last night, but in the end the best I could do was asleep by 10pm.  On any other day that would have been fantastic, but today it left me a handful of minutes short of my minimum of eight hours. I can’t tell you how infuriating that is.

The reason is simple: if I am already tired by the evening – an almost certain state – then I write slower, distract easier and have less structure to keep me on track. This unholy cocktail does not go down easy. And so, yet again, I am drained. The one silver lining is that today I was not expecting to have any words done by now no matter what happened, so when I put “CDWC: 0” on Twitter I can do it with a little peace of mind.

There is a problem however. Tonight I am at dads. Normally, that is far from a problem, and in its own way it’s not a real problem so much as a hazard. I will need to be asleep by the latest 10pm if this is how I function on that much sleep, so I have to leave at 8:30. But here’s the kicker: that assumes I have my writing all done. If I haven’t finished 1K by 8:30, tomorrow is going to be a living hell.

So to mitigate, I am going to be having a meeting at about 1pm or so, and at that meeting I am going to try and write. It’s a one on one, but I can write and give someone my full attention – yes full, it’s weird, but it does work. It’s not easy to do, and I will be a zombie by 5, but I was going to be anyway. On that note as I am going to dad’s for 6:30, I can write for at least 40 minutes before I leave my desk.

I have to get better at using my breaks and downtime for content if I am to claw back my evenings again, and with them my mornings too. Really I haven’t lost either, as my ability to function this morning proved. But I do need a less chaotic week next week to feel back in the driving seat, and less like I’m being dragged along behind.