Not much to say for today really. My mood has plummeted, but that was inevitable as much as I wanted to pretend it wasn’t. If I go into work at 7 my entire day is ruined as a result and there isn’t really any other way around it. I have to do it two days in a row as of tomorrow and you better believe I hate that.
I need some time off work, but thanks to all the political chaos going on right now I can’t risk taking even a day of holiday in case the election gets called. Combine that with the rest of this week’s sleep-screwing schedule and I can see myself getting very ill by the weekend.
It goes without saying I scrapped my plan to do morning walking today. I had to, if I hadn’t I’d be chaining two days on five hours sleep and with a high chance of four. With my health in the state it’s currently in there’s a chance no matter how remote that I could land myself back in hospital with that kind of self neglect.
I’ll just have to figure it out. I don’t have a choice there, as the alternative is collapsing from exhaustion. The best idea I have – and on my current record this is implausible – is to take my lunch break to write – somehow – and go to bed right after dinner at about 6:50pm. If by some miracle I pull that off, then maybe I have a chance to get back on track.
When I chain a lot of bad nights rest with heightened stress, I tend to get erratic and make a lot of poor decisions. I have already apologised to friends caught in the blast radius – no matter how bad things get there is no excuse for bad behaviour – but it takes more than words to make up for a situation like this.
The one little flicker of hope that I have right now is despite my exhaustion of the last two months I have yet to miss a single day of 1K. No project, habit or idea for me has survived a fracturing like this before in my adult life, yet 1K has remained strong. Even my journal entries have continued unabated, albeit yesterday’s was an all-caps style rant about how frustrating things are right now.
This is my lowest point I’ve experienced in the project so far, so it is a testament to the power writing has for me that productivity wise, I’m still on form and on target. Now I need to rebuild everything else, and post-mortem the damage to avoid this happening again. Once the storm has passed that is…
…Also got to love that I opened with “Not much to say for today” and then followed that up with 7 paragraphs of ranting.