May 31st, 2019

Ok I am getting sick of this now. In the last two weeks WHT has slowed to a snails pace, and there’s no point skirting around this: I’m only writing story content two out of every three days. That is not good enough. With that kind of ratio I need four months to write a new novel instead of three, and that does not include if I need time after finishing one like I did with Volcano. It means I take 5 months per new manuscript, which is not acceptable.

It’s also pretty damn funny, because if you’d told me a year ago I’d be cross that I could only produce a new manuscript every 5 months I would have slapped myself. There is no two ways about this: that is insane pace compared to where I came from before.

On my current calculations, if I get the turn around on TSS done in less than 3 months – a tall order even with a 45,000 word framework already in place – then I still finish the whole project on time, by the end of 2023. That’s still so tight I can’t even get my head around it, but it means 5 months is fine.

On paper. But to me it is not fine. I find it infuriating, because come on, I am better than that. I have the story, it’s a good story and it works. Why I am dragging my feet with all this going for me is a mystery. Well, it’s sort of a mystery, and at the same time I could list the factors. The issue is I do not know how to weight these factors:

  • Full time job
  • Active social life
  • Still lingering if heavily-neutered depression
  • General burnout
  • Distractions of the digital world
  • Existensial dread of pushing my work

To clarify on that last one, I have no issues with sharing my work, and none at all with critiques. If I get critiques I rework my prose and experiment. I do not get butt-hurt or protective, and do not dread negative responses.

No, my dread comes from the act of pushing my work. It feels weird and wrong, and I feel so awkward doing it. It’s a huge flaw in myself I need to work on, though not the next one on my kill list.

So there’s my problem: I have six demons – seven if you count you-know-who – and it is hard to know which front I need to push to regain ground. I want to get from 66% efficiancy up to at least 90% – or 9 in 10 days writing story content. That should not be impossible to do, but I need to get creative to get there. And lets be honest, I need to take my breaks at my job. Skipping those is helping no one, least of all my quality of work.

Oh so yesterday I did not write any WHT, but instead wrote a weird little first draft short story. It needs a lot of polish but figured I should share any short stories I do on here:

The House on the Hill – this one is a bit grim, but when are my short stories ever not. If I expanded on it a little and polished the language a little more this might have some appeal.