March 19th, 2019

Starting to get back into the swing of my morning routine, which means from the evening that disrupted it – March 15th, with some additional disruption on March 16th – it took between 3 and 4 days to almost get back to normal.

I am still kicking off ten minutes later than I would like, at 7:45 as oppose to 7:35. That sounds pedantic, but when I can write a hundred words in that ten minute gap that makes quite a lot of difference to how much work I have later in the day.

As it stands, 606 is a good place to be at for this time of day, though I’m reluctant to call it ‘Par’ as I find benchmarks like that tend to leave me in a comfort zone where I’m less inclined to push myself. The more I can make the morning productive, the more I can do with evenings down the line; if I write full-time one day, maybe I could be doing 2K, 3K or even 5K, and this will be a vital part of that.

On that note, I have slowed in my submissions. Really I’ve stopped, and that’s because I find the act sets my anxiety on edge. I have to get used to it, and it’s not like I get that anxiety when pitching to loads of people; it’s trying to pitch to an individual, when it’s so hard to get any support from those around me to check my work first that is nerve-wracking. I’m confident I have a professional product, but I can’t help but worry.

So today, I need another 400 words for target, I haven’t done any more of that commission yet and I would like to keep that to ‘in addition’ like these blog posts and my private journal, and assuming I get all that done before 7, I can relax and enjoy RP without outside pressures.

I’m hoping that once I right the ship, I can start looking at the next step I want to do better on: diet and exercise. Allow me to ramble for a bit my non-existent reader on this topic so I can get my own thoughts straight:

I am debating investing in some scales. This is probably a bad idea as I am liable to become obsessive about getting my weight down, and to be honest I’m not out of shape to start with so that could end in bad ways. However I do want to experiment whether I can push my healthy lifestyle up a notch to capture some more energy.

Some context: I have a condition known as hypermobility. It is a common condition, but for those unfamiliar among my imaginary audience it means my joints are way, way too flexible. This means I have to make a lot of conscious effort when it comes to posture, general movement and exertion.

I’m fortunate that I do not suffer dislocations like more extreme sufferers, but for me the main symptom comes from the exhaustion that I am left with from frequent tensing, and in addition muscles that are so tense that my movements are restricted. Think a body builder but without the nice body to go with it. Go me.

So my diet is reasonable; I eat three times a day, with breakfast being a new addition only becoming regular in the last month or so, and only consistent for about a week and a bit. I take my own lunch to work, and this includes an apple, low-fat crisps, and a dark chocolate Kit Kat. That much I feel is fine, though I could ween out the crisps.

Here’s where the question marks appear. So in addition to the above, I try to bring a baked bean curry to heat up. It’s a simple recipe, madras paste, baked beans (duh), potatoes, spinach and rice. The issue is I end up not making this on Sundays, and then on Monday I have to supplement with the canteen’s food. Which is poor. Which also leaves me poor.

This is unfortunate, but the real problem starts in the evening, and is a bit of a catch 22. I end up being exhausted in the evening, which is far from a rare problem, and like many people I struggle to find the willpower to cook. I do still do it, but I end up eating later, which is less than ideal. The food I cook isn’t unhealthy, but here we hit the elephant in the room.

I’m cooking for one. ONE PERSON. And if I’m honest, when I was cooking for two, I was making enough for FOUR. So my portion sizes are, well, awful. I should say that I’m being a tad hyperbolic here, and that I tend to at worst have seconds, eating maybe 1.5 times the amount a person should eat. But 1.5 is still more than I should, so I have to fix that right?

Well, yes, except remember I said it was a bit of a catch 22? Well the reason for that is the only reason I end up with energy at all is the large portion sizes. I burn a ton of calories each day, and if I try to cut back, I hit the brick wall so fast I’m more or less out like a light.

So I think what I will do is hit my 400 for today – words now, not food calories, I’m not starving myself – and then use any downtime I get afterwards to look at how to ween myself to smaller portions, whilst still retaining enough energy not to pass out. That seems like a great goal to move on to now I’m confident I am nailing the sleep routine.

Wish me luck.