March 10th, 2019

Well the habit is sticking. Another 7am start, 336 words in the bank before I blog for the day and a sense that the weekends isn’t aren’t a wilderness that I lose all productivity to twice a week. That was easy. When I imagined what it would be like to get control of my life exactly as I wanted it, of all the words I thought I’d use to describe it “Anticlimactic” wasn’t one of them. It’s not a bad feeling, I want more though.

So I’ve been telling people time and time again how I am going to “SELF PUBLISH UNREACHABLE” or “START SENDING UNREACHABLE OFF TO AGENTS” for months now, and even did the latter for a short time a while ago. The reason why I still haven’t is a bit weird. I want to find an agent, and a publisher, but I’m not driven to. I have to write each day as a physical need, but I don’t need a publisher in the same hungry way. I want one, and I want to need one, but I don’t.

I also want to stop abusing italics, but I guess we can’t have everything in life. Stay strong i, one day I will stop abusing you. Well that went darker than I meant it to.

My plan for today is another 1,000 words of Volcano. Assuming I do this before 1pm, I might go out for the afternoon – I did not go out yesterday except to my mum’s house for a few hours, so I should go do some social contact. I would like to also do something with Unreachable today. I don’t know what I want to do with it, maybe spam some agents or stick it on Wattpad or god knows what.

You know what I wish I had? This is going to sound stupid – and it is stupid so that’s why – but I wish I had an ego. I wish I felt it was my god given right to be published and that I craved the adoration that comes with fame and success. If I did, I would be sending off my work every day. Yes I’d come acorss as an unlikable ass, but I’d stand a chance of making some income off of my work. And hey, I am an unlikable ass, so what’s the harm in appearing like one.