January 28th, 2020 – 489

Late blog today, but that’s because it’s been an unusual one at this end. I like most days to blog before getting into bigger tasks at work because it makes for a good warm up activity. I was a bit more out of my usual order today though, so by the time I was at my desk, I chose to dive right into my bigger have-to-dos. As such, this is one of the furthest times I’ve blogged since writing – which I did several hours ago by now – for a while. 

It’s funny that this blog isn’t the warm up for writing itself a lot of the time now, given that was half the point of it. Don’t worry my little imaginary readers, I’m not going to stop my pointless little blog. I like the routine of this and it’s useful to hold myself to account. At some point I will write that article about “Accountability – Action – Reflection”. The model is the same, but I’m now doing it more like “Action – Reflection – Accountability”. It’s a shame there’s no good synonym for reflection that begins with a G. Then again, I don’t want to get sued by an oven manufacturer.

I am going to get back to work in a minute. But before I do, I need to take a moment. I’ve been going flat out between writing, working, talking with the engineer, running to work and working some more. As shattered as I am, I’m ok. Just need to take things a little slower for a few minutes.

January 27th, 2020 – 488

So yesterday I posted chapter 26 of VOL to WattPad, but with a difference. That weekend was a slog to get through, which to be honest most weekends are. Because I am sick of late uploads, I put up the chapter without doing a final edit. That was not a great idea, even if it got the job done on time. It did however help me figure out how to fix my publishing schedule.

I blame Christmas for preventing this fix sooner. Also New Years. Both occured on the same day, and that obfuscated the problem quite a lot. Each made me jump through faffy hoops to get content out on time – or as close as feasable in the end. As a result, the meme of ‘I can never upload on time despite the book being 95% done’ came about. I assumed it was a problem with my willpower and such, and not the day.

No it’s entirely the day. If you treat those holidays as ‘honarary weekends’, then an obvious pattern emerges. I can do the edits at my work desk next to no problem. On a weekend though, I am not in the right headspace to do that. Sure this means if I edited it all in advance I’d solve the problem, but I’m starting to think even that isn’t a good idea. I do edit in a more granualar way when I do it chapter by chapter and spread out. So how do I fix this weekend willpower?

I don’t. I edit on Fridays instead. And if I do that I may as well upload on Fridays too. If I do that, and shift my other upload to Tuesdays, then I end up with both upload days on weekdays. I always feel more motivated in the office, amd on my breaks I need to take advantage of that more. But for now it’s Monday, so I’m going to get back to work and have a think on this. Chances I will, but I have time to reconsider if needs be. Not as if anyone is reading it yet anyway, this is all for my benefit.

January 26th, 2020 – 487

I have this odd habit where I now write this entry after target, which was never the goal. That’s why I didn’t write it at 10, or 11. I have 2,000 words now, but I refuse to count 1,350 of them. I was in a foul mood, and the only thing I felt like writing? Well, you might have heard me slandering a little book called The Wanderer…

I’m going to write 400 words of WHT and go to bed. I am disgusted in myself. Imagine how I’ll feel when I’m writing that book as my main story…

January 25th, 2020 – 486

Today was interesting. Heating is broken again, and I had a slog in the morning, but I kept to my routine. Target finished at 12:50, journal at 1pm. Still need to bring the BuJo up to date with Trello notes but on the whole, I’m doing pretty well despite the setbacks. Glad all the same that I’ll be uploading VOL’s next chapter tomorrow not today. The only real issue I have right now is the cold making my muscles feel pretty weak. It’s making typing quite arduous, but I’m going to switch to Stardew Valley which is much less so.

WHT goes well, and I say that despite the words not coming so easy earlier. That was, for the most part, the stress of the heating, but now that’s getting resolved, I’m confident tomorrow will flow a lot smoother. I’m going to switch to Stardew now and try to relax. Wish me luck.

January 24th, 2020 – 485

This has been one heck of a tough week. The heating in the flat going haywire again wasn’t fun, but thankfully I have really great landlords so that wasn’t much of a problem. Should be fixed today. My mental health took a nosedive, but my new more structured routine pulled through like a champ and prevented any slide into negative patterns. So tough yes, but a resounding success.

Today my focus is on making sure I go into next week without any gaping problems in my work queue. For the most part I’ve already ensured that, but today I’ll sweep up a few lingering tasks that I’ve struggled otherwise to shift. I try and have a policy of “start nothing new” on Fridays, queuing that instead for Monday where it belongs. So far that’s mostly worked.

WHT is now over the 1/3rd typed threshold which feels great. I’m making great pace to finish by mid March, but if it spills into April that’s ok too. I’d rather it didn’t, but I don’t think it will either. Like my day structure, my project timeline structure is pretty robust now. Target is done for the day and now I can focus on bringing things in for a landing. For now, fingers crossed, all is well.

January 23rd, 2020 – 484

Keeping this short today. I had a rough night because my boiler broke, and something inside me did with it. I’m fine now, but ended up screwing up my budget in a way I haven’t done in a long time now. Fixing that too today. I knew days like this might happen, but it doesn’t make me feel better when they do. Even when it all works out, I have to deal with my head being like this.

Wrote target this morning. Wrote a thousand words of TFS yesterday too, and might do another 1K at lunch. I’ll be fine.

January 22nd, 2020 – 483

So I looked up writing competitions yesterday. I know that’s a bit out of nowhere, and it was for me too if I’m honest. I’ve started listening to Stephen King’s On Writing, a book I’ve wanted to devour for a long time now. After getting through most of it yesterday, I now have a burning urge to do a 180 and start chasing for agents again. Yes that’s a much more uphill battle but why aim small? This feels, weird to write about because it goes against my usual ‘write because I want to/may turn into career one day’ approach.

A lot of why I avoided this route in the past has to do with my discomfort at the idea of agent schmoozing. It is for all intents and purposes job hunting, and I do not like job hunting. It doesn’t matter if my back is against the wall or I’m perusing to see what else is out there at my own pace, I hate it. And, well that’s super immature of me. I’m throwing away potential oppotunities because of my anxiety and insecurities. That makes no sense whatsoever, and I need to cut it out. Self esteem is a part of it too, but how else am I going to build that?

Work is going well, and I should stress none of this comes from a desire to stop doing what I’m doing. On the contray, I imagine I’ll keep working at the college no matter what happens with my writing, because I enjoy what I do. Why would I stop? That’s a good thing because I stand next to no chance of making a living off of writing any time soon. But I stand zero chance at all if I don’t start taking the oppotunities out there in the world. I have to stop holding myself back for no reason and get on with this career.

I’ll be sticking VOL’s next chapter up a bit later today. That’s the other reason I’m apprehensive about a publishing deal: I like giving stuff away for free. Asking people to fork over cash or they can’t read my stuff rubs me up the wrong way. I like the idea of the Patreon route or similer, where people can donate, and those who can’t get to enjoy the works anyway. Yes nobody is reading at the moment, but I’m talking about down the line. These are all branching pathways, and I have to live with whichever I choose. It;s not a decision I take lightly.