Do I ever see wild animals? That’s a much better question WordPress, and yes, all the time. In Eastbourne foxes are a very common sight, and they’re looking a lot healthier in recent years because I think more people started feeding them. My granny makes hers jam sandwiches because, she’s adorable and of course she does that. I’m not making that up and I aspire to that level of altruism.
So, that was the final day of uni this year. Jeez, 11 months ago I started harping on about this “Project4” thing I refused to tell you about – so I didn’t screw up my job, I hope you now realise, I wasn’t being cryptic for no reason. Now here I am and I’m actually surviving, dare I be hubristic and say thriving? Well, no I don’t quite dare yet. I set a goal of doing more of the social life, and that hasn’t manifested as I haven’t made the time, and I need to. I also am a teensy bit below where I want to be performing, which is to say I’m on the outskirts of “First” territory, and I know that’s good, but I want to do better. That said, I am also going to need to keep my health in check as I go. But heck, first essay I wrote in 8 years was 3 marks off a First, and the one I got back today was a solid First. I must be doing something right?
By the way, a note on those grades: I’m not bragging, but I’m also not going to refrain from talking about my grades, because this is a place of transparency, and if I do start falling short I need to hold myself accountable for that. I my imaginary 9 email subscribers to think I’ve taken on an arrogant streak, they might unsubscribe. W-why are you subscribed to this? Do, do you read this drivel? Why? Do, do you need links to actual reading? Or recommendations? If you need recommendations for the love of god go read Legends & Lattes, that book is phenomenal. I should know I’ve read it six or seven times now, since, last week…
Do I have a favorite place I’ve visited? That’s a tricky one to answer. Small note to the WordPress devs, superlatives can make for more narrow and harder to answer questions so it might be better to avoid them. I guess Ore Railway Station, and I mean, I barely need to explain that, see the sidebar and the 14 books I wrote about it. That is such an autistic thing to do I swear to god I am a walking stereotype, right down to it being train related.
Tomorrow I have one more class, and then I have finished term 1 of uni. I survived, so that already beats attempts one and three. Time to try and let the stress melt away, and then when I’m ready, we’ll review the first term.
…Wait I have 9 email subscribers…? Since when…?
“Share five things you’re good at” huh WordPress? OK, let’s see. I’m gonna give an honourable mention to “being stubborn about writing every day”, which would be in the #1 spot but that feels cheap given this is the 1K blog.
- 1) Playing board and card games against myself. This one is a weird skill, but I am able to just block out any memory of hidden information when I play games. It’s one reason I like owning Modern decks, because I can just play them against each other. The one game I struggle with this in ironically is the one most people can do if they have this skill: chess. But then I am bad at chess so…
- 2) Making over the top spreadsheets for the tiniest things. Whether it’s a video game, a routine, or just me doing a thought experiment and wanting to aggregate some data, I love my spreadsheets. Irony point two, I am struggling to learn SQL, and it kills me. I want to learn SQL so I can go even harder, but alas that’s gonna be a slow burn.
- 3) Wordle. Not the best by any means but I am just shy of a 300 unbroken record with a sub-4 average on hard mode.
- 4) Memorising long strings. Now if I don’t keep the practice up, I tend to lose the information, but whether it’s digits of pi, American Presidents, or hyper specific monetary figures that I can then quote in exams, I am ridiculously good at holding onto that information.
- 5) Being an agony aunt. I have this weird super power: I can be an empathetic ear and listen to trauma and pain and intense angst flow, and even have it be about me, and I can do that without taking psychic damage. It’s been incredibly useful because it means if I have a friend in need, even if I am not doing great I can still hemp em out.
I wish I could say “6) Blogging early” but, well it’s quarter to midnight. But I am very tired, and I do need to be nice to myself. It’ll work out.
“What is one thing you would change about yourself?” WordPress are you trying to say something? Um, depends what I could change? I’d never change the autism because it’s who I am, but if I could just not have EDS I’d be down with that. Assuming it’s gotta be a thing possible at the present time, well that’s tricky. I can’t say my issues with executive function because, those are the EDS again probably. I can’t say my agitation can I? I guess I could, because that I can work on. Ok yeah, let’s go with that. And maybe less vindictive.
I keep writing in various places that I want to ‘learn more about writing exercises for fleshing out plot and characters’ and then just never do it. I need to change that. Also I never set this year of 1K a theme, so I guess better late than never, the theme is now ‘exercises’. If I did come up with a theme and forgot, well goes to show it was a bad theme and so it’s replaced.
Oh hey morning target! That’s totally nit an indication that I didn’t sleep and crave the sweet release of death, no suree. I don’t know how you spell that and I am in too much pain to care, last night was awful. Is what it is, chronic pain sucks, and you just gotta work around it, but man now I know what it is I feel better about complaining about it when it happens. Also, 3rd book in the series cleared 100K today, TFT is 100,284. Nice.
Today is going to suck. At least I got the Wordle in 2.
Not been a great day all told. I slept through most of it because I’ve been super run down, and the less said about the parts of it I tried to get through after that the better. Not exactly a high point in my life right now. But life has low points, and this isn’t anything horrific, it’s just a reminder that my ability to function is, well, deteriorating. That’s normal, that’s what you would expect, and I may find better ways to ease that slide but man, in the moment, it’s rough you know? Confronting your own mortality, even when you’re not actively dying is a tough thing to process, and I would do myself no favours by trying to just pretend everything is fine, kind of like I tried to spend all day today doing.
Call this a public promise to myself to try and be better to myself, for what that’s worth.
I managed to do something I haven’t in weeks today. I made it to Mana. Getting my social life balanced into this hyper busy time is so important, and I have been suffering with loneliness that I haven’t been working hard enough to mitigate. Today felt like breaching the water’s surface and taking in a desperate hungry breath, as if I were far more fragile than I realised. Note to self, don’t go so long without going to Mana in future.
TFT is ticking along nicely, and VOL too as I get both up to ~3K chapters. This is quite a relaxing way to do target so I’m more than ok not starting a new novel just yet, even if I do feel I need to soon. Ideally I should pick something this side of Christmas, so I’m going to set a deadline of the 16th. God knows if I’ll stick to that.
Wow it’s been a long week. Also since when did WordPress give me prompts? It’s asking me what technology I would be better off without and why? I could be a snarky git and say unsolicited prompts, but that seems a little mean and needless. I guess if I had to name one, it would be, um, you know I don’t think I have an answer to that. There’s no technologies in my life I didn’t put there on purpose, nor any that are useful but provide an outweighing amount of grief. The go to for most I would guess is their phone, but given it’s my main source of reading articles/ebooks/audiobooks/journals etc it would be a huge knock if I got rid of that.
Actually no I do know the answer and it’s super petty. I couldn’t think of one and then I looked at what sat on the Million Desk next to my phone and went ‘it’s the damn bank card reader 2FA checker isn’t it’. See, that still would be a net negative not to have because I don’t want all my money stolen, but it is an unmitigated faff. That is about as close as you’re gonna get from me; I may be a technoskeptic but I do like the technology I use, and donate what I don’t.
Oh and I did some writing. It was ok. I think I just need a bit of a break from study to get a better idea where it’s at, but I do think that my first arc – TUS, VOL, WHT, TSS and TFT – are all in at least ‘ok’ condition. A readthrough will confirm if they’re actually coherent, and then I have a few dozen edits for each of them sitting on Trello. I may be tired, but things are ticking along at least.
I almost forgot to blog from being so out of it. I do seem to just crash hard on my rest days at the moment, and that’s not exactly sustainable because I end up losing a bunch of social time with people. It’s grim, and I need to do better at spending quality time with friends, as I’ve had pointed out to me a fair bit. And yay, 11pm blog, hype. This first term was rough as hell, and I need to figure this out going forward to keep it to one term, not four years.
Oh one cool note, for a brief moment after editing, but before I finished hitting target with TFT, both VOL and TFT were the exact same length: 96,062 words long. That’s pretty neat.
Oh hi 11pm did you miss me? Damn it. I shouldn’t be surprised, I have had two awful nights’ sleep back to back through no fault, except that it’s cold and I was overtired. The one point of improvement I could have made was to find my paracetamol, which I keep failing to find and thus to take. Like, I have permission to take the full dosage allowable for a day, and I often take none, which is dumb. I am always in pain, why do I not make life easier on myself with this one simple tool? Honestly, at this point I think it’s just needing to form the habit to check in, and keeping it all in a sensible place.
So TUS, WHT and TSS are all ready for a final edit. VOL needs a lot more work, because the chapters are all weird lengths at present and I’ve had to break out a spreadsheet to figure out how to fix that – yes I know but this time a spreadsheet is justified! I’m working on TFT in the meantime as that’s more straightforward, but what I really need to do is find some great resources for planning a story, to write out the arcs as I see them, and then measure all these novels against that as a benchmark. If I can, that might use some of my brainpower tomorrow. But I will settle for writing sooner…