January 15th, 2022 – 1,207

Today involved a day trip to a place I haven’t been back to in almost a decade. It was a strange experience, and one I can’t go into too much detail on here, but it all feeds into Project4. And, it was a successful trip too. I felt good about how it went, and what it means going forwards. I guess the only thing left to do now is figure out how to pay for the project, and then, go for it.

Sorry that all this talk of Project4 is so cryptic, but I assure you there is good reason for that. In all seriousness to anyone who ever decides on the random to read these dumb posts I hope the eventual reveal will be significant enough for you.

January 14th, 2022 – 1,206

I am knackered. Tomorrow is going to also knacker me I believe, but I guess we’ll see how I deal with it. I’m gonna have to be cryptic about it as I have been with all of Project4. That’s the codename I’ve chosen to give this chapter, to better shield this more sensative topic but still be able to talk about it indirectly on here. Grammarly insisted I misspelled ‘sensative’ and would not listen to me, so I’ve banished the wretched thing for now. Dealing with a lot of uncertainty at the moment, and do not need to be wrongfooted by a bad grammar app.

I’ll probably reinstall it tomorrow. God I’m tired.

January 13th, 2022 – 1,205

Healing is a strange sensation. I imagine it is quite different for every person who experiences it, because it’s both unique people with their own perspective, and no two people are hurt in the same way. Where yesterday was an open admission of what lay beneath the buried trauma of my early adulthood, today was the lifting of an immense weight from my chest and head. It’s like a flowing from me, not a surge but a trickle away of so much baggage, so many regrets, and so much I wish I could have done differently. It’s also an acceptance that so long as I live and breathe, there are only theoretical limits to what I can achieve. And those limits are mailable; they grow as I take on new opportunities.

HOF is good, but I only wrote 149 words of it today. It might be that I break my chain of a thousand words of main story content today, as I hit target writing 883 words of a very different document. I cannot know what will come of that, but I can dream. It’s nice to dream again.

January 12th, 2022 – 1,204

A lot can change in a day. I can’t go into the specifics, but I have a feeling January 12th, 2022 is going to be one of those ‘most significant days of my life’ days I look back on in years to come. We’ll see. Sorry for being cryptic but one day the reasons why will become all too clear. In the meantime, I’ll just say I’m knackered, but feeling positive. Looking forward to work tomorrow, and all that lies ahead. And, HOF is starting to get a flavour to it that I think will become its theme. Can’t ask for much more than that.

January 11th, 2022 – 1,203

I can’t pin down the exact reason why, but there was a bit of a mental shift in my mind today at work. My queue is semi-busy, which is a good place to be after it started as light this morning. I have enough to be getting by on, with a few new things trickling into my inbox since I last gave it a proper sort this morning. Tomorrow will start on a productive note if I go into it on those tasks, and, I’m looking forward to it. I think for some reason, work started to be fun again today. It could be a temporary thing, but, I think I’m on the right path.

It’s also nice that at the tail end of the day, I managed to get target in, making for a pre-5pm target and a relaxed evening. I’m actually going to be working late tonight until at least half-5, but again, that’s kinda nice. I also managed to have a bit more fun writing today than I have been. Given I have no real aspirations to get published, it seems only right that writing be fun first and foremost, so that’s a nice turn of events. Again, it might not last, but I’m going to hold onto it for now as a much needed source of comfort. Here’s hoping it becomes the new ‘new normal’, right?

January 10th, 2022 – 1,202

I have decided to do something today, that I have not done in over twelve years. I think the last time I did was perhaps even fifteen years and ten days ago. How so precise? Well, I am going to do the catastrophic mistake, of making a New Years Resolution. 10 days late. Ok look I don’t get to decide when I have epiphanies and I don’t even like New Years so screw it, we’ll do it live. Late. Ok so enough delaying, what is the resolution?

Forgiving myself. It, kinda hit me today when I was journalling. Today did not go well, not even a little, at least in the middle. I felt awful all morning and afternoon, and when I did write it was drivel. And in my journal I lamented all the stuff I did wrong and how I need to get a grip and get back in control, and why is it I’m so out of kilter yet again and, and well it hit me. I spend so much energy beating myself up for everything. Ok, when I say everything you might think all the stuff that happens in a day that goes bad, right?

No I mean in that sense you see people talk about in memes, where the memory from 20 years ago flits into their mind and they just sink down in horror and regret. And you know what, dealing with the present and past versions of that is too much right now. Enough beating myself up. So this year, as an experiment, I am going to avoid doing it. Flawless idea right?

Ok so the real resolution is what I’m going to do when that fails. The idea is a simple one, and leans into the tool I have best suited for this task: the bullet journal. When I feel those emotions welling, I will stop, I will make a special bullet in the journal, and I will write out that I forgive myself for that thing. I will even use a special new colour of pen to mark it, to make it all the more significant. Which colour? I have no idea, let’s have a think. I’m leaning towards, purple.

Worth a shot.

January 9th, 2022 – 1,201

Played some more Paper Mario today for my partner to watch. They found it nice, and I found it to be just the right level of intimate chill. See that’s the thing, I need more chill right now. I need to make more alone-chill too, and have been debating dropping some money on a few triple-A games, namely Cyperpunk 2077 and Forza 5, or Flight Simulator. I do kinda feel I am some form of stereotype given I have a 3080TI and a 5950X, and I mostly play Stardew Valley and Day of the Tentacle… I hope that doesn’t count as a humblebrag, I’m genuinely trying to shame myself for not playing more high-end games, as that was the whole point in getting Valkrie.

HOR is now 10K and, well I dunno man, I think my writing quality in the latter half of 2021 started to slump real bad. I can do better, but I’m often writing while either really tired, or really low. Often times I do it when I’m both. And as for editing, well, I am doing edits every day, but you’d be forgiven if asked to spot them without the aid of Google Docs ‘changes’ feature to spot them. I need to do better.

January 8th, 2022 – 1,200

Ayyyy it’s a 00 day. Double-0 days are always fun; Triple-0 days considerably less so based on a sample size of one. I wonder if I’ll live long enough for a Quad-0 day. Somehow I doubt I’ll see two. Weird to think how finite life is when you put it on a scale like that. I slept through most of today and then I spent most of the evening playing video games, but I did make a cool thing in the meantime.

Home-made Purple Tentacle USB stick from Day of the Tentacle

That has every single non-console version of Day of the Tentacle on it apart from the iOS files. I may try to track those down, but annoyingly there’s not many ‘legitimate’ ways to do so. Also it’d just be to have all the Remastered versions; I have every original one. So yeah, that’s neat.

January 7th, 2022 – 1,199

The first seven days of this year have already been a bit of a rollercoaster. Granted, nothing on the scale of 2020 – heck, remember the first days of 2020 when there was a brief time it looked as if the world was about to go to war? On my small insignificant level though, I am weathering some turbulent seas. Well today, I finally managed to write nice and early, and to fix several other parts of my routine as well. It’s no guarantee the routine will survive the weekend, but I am in the best position I could hope to be if I want to save it. Celebrating with some new audiobooks and clearing some more small tasks in my work queue – I know how to party.

HOF is going to hit 10K over the weekend, so that’s neat. I just hope that I can turn this one into a more coherent first draft than HOR. As much as I am struggling with this trilogy, I do like the core story, and I want to make it a good one. Hopefully I’ll be able to get them to a better place once I stop being so tired and out of sorts all the time. That’s gotta happen eventually, right?

Right…?

January 6th, 2022 – 1,198

Treason’s Greetings! Nah don’t worry I’m not gonna go all political, just couldn’t resist. This week has been pretty darn awful all told, but I mean, eh. I’m just gonna do what I can tomorrow and then try to rest this weekend. On the plus side, I think the opening act of HOF is starting to take decent shape. There’s a central conflict I think I can make work, but I do also think I need to add a bit more thought into the location of this one, as it’s far more prominent than it was in book one.

My goal tomorrow is gonna be to write before 5pm, so I can just stop and rest. But I’m also gonna try and do some art. I was finishing up a present this evening – a pastel on canvas gift for my granny’s birthday – and it just was such a nice thing to work on. I’m really glad about how it came out, and I miss doing art more often. To be honest, I’ll settle for resting, but it would be nice to do more.